I dreamed of sex in the shower...

not the kind of sex that is safe
or marital
or repetitive
but hot wet monkey sex

the man was dark and handsome
in a bad boy sort of way

he enters the shower wearing
riding leathers and boots and jeans
straight off the road

his beard and dark hair
fresh with the thick sent of a man
who's ridden long and hard
to get to his destination

his arms are tanned and corded
and his hands are strong
and gentle

he reaches around behind me and
gathers a fistfull of wet hair
pulling my head back to expose my throat
and the pulse there

his closely cropped beard
has just enough red in it to be interesting
and tickles as it drips water to my breast

his breath is hot on me
as his lips graze my nipples
I breath his name
and place my splayed hands
on both sides of his head
lifting his lips to mine

his kiss is electric
and pulls on me at my core

he lightly runs his tongue
over my lips
and I
whimper

his hands skin down from my shoulders
to almost my elbows
and I am released
bereft

he struggles with his clothes
and we become a tangle of wet
leather and denim

buttons pop
and his plaid shirt tears
I struggle with his belt buckle
impatient and clumsy in my need

he whispers my name
and presses me up against
the shower wall
lifting me slightly

he is hot and musky
as I breath in his heat
I run my fingertips
down the length of him
and he shivers as I feel
the outline of his core

he raises my leg to his hip
his penis brushes my thigh

BRRRRRING!

No! no!
I don't want it to be over...
Damn alarm clock!
Sleep sleep sleep
I want to go back....

A Pledge to Pagan Spirituality

I am a Pagan and I dedicate myself to channeling the Spiritual Energy of my Inner Self to help and to heal myself and others.
I know that I am part of the Whole of Nature.

May I grow in understanding of the Unity of all Nature.

May I always walk in Balance.
May I always be mindful of the diversity of Nature as well as its Unity and may I always be tolerant of those whose race, appearance, sex, sexual preference, culture, and other ways differ from my own.
May I use the Force (psychic power) wisely and never use it for aggression nor for malevolent purposes. May I never direct it to curtail the free will of another.
May I always be mindful that I create my own reality and that I have the power within me to create positivity in my life.
May I always act in honorable ways: being honest with myself and others, keeping my word whenever I have given it, fulfilling all responsibilities and commitments I have taken on to the best of my ability.
May I always remember that whatever is sent out always returns magnified to the sender. May the Forces of Karma move swiftly to remind me of my spiritual commitments when I have begun to falter from them, and may I use this Karmic feedback to help myself grow and be more attuned to my Inner Pagan Spirit.
May I always remain strong and commited to my Spiritual ideals in the face of adversity and negativity. May the Force of my Inner Spirit ground out all malevolence directed my way and transform it into positivity. May my Inner Light shine so strongly that malevolent forces cannot even approach my sphere of existence.
May I always grow in Inner Wisdom and Understanding. May I see every problem that I face as an opportunity to develop myself spiritually in solving it.
May I always act out of Love to all other beings on this Planet - to other humans, to plants, to animals, to minerals, to elementals, to spirits, and to other entities.
May I always be mindful that the Goddess and God in all their forms dwell within me and that this divinity is reflected through my own Inner Self, my Pagan Spirit.
May I always channel Love and Light from my being. May my Inner Spirit, rather than my ego self, guide all my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
SO MOTE IT BE!


written by Selena Fox of Circle Sanctuary, Autumn 1980

Turlte Blues

~the incomperable Janis Joplin~

Ah, I'm a mean, mean woman
And I don't mean no one man, no good, no.
I'm a mean, mean woman,
I don't mean no one man, no good.
I just treats 'em like I wants to
I never treats 'em, honey like I should.
Oh, Lord, I once had a daddy,
He said he'd give me everything in sight.
Once had a daddy,
Said he'd give me everything in sight.
Yes, he did
So I said, "Honey, I want the sunshine,
You take the stars out of the night.
Come on and give 'em to me,
babe, 'cause I want 'em right now.
"I ain't the kind of woman
Who'd make your life a bed of ease, ha ha ha ha!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not the kind of woman, no,
To make your life a bed of ease.
Yeah, but if you, if you just wanna go out drinkin', honey,
Won't you invite me along please.
Oh, I'll be so good to ya babe, yeah!
Whoa, go on!
I guess I'm just like a turtle
That's hidin' underneath its horny shell.
Whoa, whoa, oh yeah, like a turtle
Hidin' underneath its horny shell.
But you know I'm very well protected -
I know this goddamn life too well.
Oh! Now call me mean, you can call me evil, yeah, yeah,
I've been called much of some things around,
Honey, don't ya know I have!
Whoa, call me mean or call me evil
I've been called much of some things, all things around,
Yeah, but I'm gonna take good care of Janis, yeah,
Honey, ain't no one gonna dog me down.
Alright, yeah.

Changes

seeing as I can't ride
I've made some changes
in here
can ya figure out
what they are?

Wanna?

Wanna see
what the inside
of your computer
looks like?
click here

Not the only flake!

Apparently I am not the only near blind flake in our midst...I just read this from a friend: (she's medicated due to a recent surgery...)

"OMG..lmfao I was giving myself a facial..the kind you leave on for 20 minutes for it to harden up. Well my 20 minutes are up and I go to wash it off. I'm bent over the sink filling my hands with water and splashing it on my face and its all blury. I do this twice before I realize that I still have my glasses on! LMFAO..maybe these new pills aren't that bad."

AFFIRMATION

I am becoming the woman I've wanted,
grey at the temples,
soft body,
delighted,
cracked up by life with a laugh that's known bitter
but, past it, got better,
knows she's a survivor -
that whatever comes,
she can outlast it.
I am becoming a deep weathered basket.

I am becoming the woman I've longed for,
the motherly lover with arms strong and tender,
the grown up daughter who blushes surprises.
I am becoming full moons and sunrises.
I find her becoming,this woman I've wanted,
who knows she's sufficient,
knows where she's going and travels with passion.
Who remembers she's precious,
but knows she's not scarce-who knows she is plenty,
plenty to share.

~by Jayne Relaford Brown~

I'm a Big Shot!

Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at & what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently & give you a little insight.

Example: March 20, 1950 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2
Keep going until you end up with a single digit number.
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.
_________________________________________ _____
#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER
========================================= =====
#1 - THE ORIGINATOR.
1's are originals.
Coming up with new ideas & executing them is natural.
Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn & arrogant.
1's are extremely honest & do well to learn some diplomacy skills.
They like to take the initiative & are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best.
Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them.
Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better & to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch, John Entwistle.

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER.
2's are the born diplomats.
They are aware of others' needs & moods and often think of others before themselves.
Naturally analytical & very intuitive, they don't like to be alone.
Friendship & companionship is very important & can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship.
Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem & express themselves freely and seize the moment & not put things off.
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

#3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
3's are idealists.
They are very creative, social, charming, romantic & easygoing.
They start many things, but don't always see them through.
They like others to be happy & go to great lengths to achieve it.
They are very popular & idealistic.
They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Karen Roundbutt, Salvador Dali, Jodie Foster.

#4 - THE CONSERVATIVE.
4's are sensible & traditional.
They like order & routine.
They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do.
They like getting their hands dirty & working hard.
They are attracted to the outdoors & feel an affinity with nature.
They are prepared to wait & can be stubborn and persistent.
They should learn to be more flexible & to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey, Roger Daltrey.

#5 - THE NONCONFORMIST.
5's are the explorers.
Their natural curiosity, risk taking & enthusiasm often land them in hot water.
They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut.
The whole world is their school & they see a learning possibility in every situation.
The questions never stop.
They are well advised to look before they take action & make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller, Mark Hail.

#6 - THE ROMANTIC.
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy.
A strong family connection is important to them.
Their actions influence their decisions.
They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.
They are very loyal & make great teachers.
They like art or music.
They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously.
6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change & what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn, Keith Moon.

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL.
7's are the searchers.
Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value.
Emotions don't sway their decisions.
Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves.
They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow & steady wins the race.
They come across as philosophers & being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners.
They are technically inclined & make great researchers uncovering information.
They like secrets.
They live in their own world & should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large.
Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana, Pete Townshend.

#8 - THE BIG SHOT.
8's are the problem solvers.
They are professional, blunt & to the point, have good judgment and are decisive.
They have grand plans and like to live the good life.
They take charge of people.
They view people objectively.
They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss!
They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus.

#9 - THE PERFORMER.
9's are natural entertainers.
They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help.
With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them.
They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in.
They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood.
To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

Life is...

Brief moments of lucidity
liberally inter dispersed with
moments of abject stupidity
and radically altered by
fear and insecurity

Work to Live Vs Live to Work

I am not a happy camper
every time I start to get ready for work
I burst into tears
or am encompassed by an overwhelming urge
to weep

I am tired of the environment I work in
I am tired of the culture of failure.
I am tired of the prescription for failure

instead of asking middle managers what they need to be effective
they've asked front line employees to squeal on their middle managers
thereby setting both front line people and middle managers up for failure

instead of giving middle managers the tools they need to succeed
"they" decide that the best way to be a good leader is to go back to being a front line employee for 2 to 4 weeks

being front line for 2 - 4 weeks won't improve their ability to be effective middle managers
it simply will make them better front line employees - and we already have those
besides for the past 3 years the "punishment" for middle managers not doing their job correctly
is to make them work as front line employees
so tell me how you can spin this in a positive light and not be reflective of punishment for all the middle managers as opposed to just the one's you deem are not doing their jobs?
Why paint everyone with the same brush?

Why not actually train the middle managers ?
the project last fall was a good start - because it got all the middle managers at that time to at least make their files look alike...

but when is the last time that anyone talked about the Company Core Values? When was the last time that they actually offered Corporate training -aside from the Employee Relations stuff?

Why not ask the middle managers how often they get actual coaching from their Supervisors?
as opposed to fire fighting?

Why not teach a middle manager how to actually coach? (there's a novel concept)
Teach them how to actually write a development plan? Teach them to define qualified and quantifiable goals

Teach them what actually make an event notation?

Why not offer leadership courses?

Want effective middle managers ?
Make the teams smaller (there are working teams of 20 front line employees )

Hire more Supervisors so that the middle manager to Supervisor ratio isn't too high - 9 teams is too many teams for a Supervisor

Make Supervisors work the same hours as all of their middle managers so that there is some kind of effective coaching going on...

Make the Supervisors actually accountable for their middle manager's training!

and make the Company we all work for allow for enough coaching time to get all of our front line employee's off the phone for coaching - as opposed to sporadic coaching for the bottom 30 reps

and while I'm on the subject - Stop playing favorites!
I once got officially punished for missing a deadline I didn't even know I had - my Supervisor and his Supervisor were all soo sorry but it had to be done - except one of the 4 of us that missed the "deadline" never did get punished...how's that fair?

I am tired of the environment I work in
I am tired of the culture of failure.
I am tired of the prescription for failure
I don't know if I will go back at all...

and another thing

a little birdie told me
that I'd inadvertently
set this blog
for "no comment"

I musta been
pitchin a hissy fit
over sommat at the time
cos I don't remember turning them off

but they are back on...
so comment away.....

but be careful
cos I'm a storyteller
and I'm sensitive about my shit!!

thanks Cinderella!!

Sound Tracks

many people know
that music has always been
a ruling factor in my life
for as many years as I've been alive

not that I can play anything
or even consider myself a connoisseur
but I've a good ear
and I love to sing along

recently I found this link
it's like the soundtrack of my youth!

http://chu65nang67.us/nam/vietnam.html

I'm mad as hell!

so I come home from work...

and the little man that lives next door to me is wailin drunk again - most of the time I can ignore it - but tonight I'm sitting here at my puter and the little prick is yelling and hollering at his girlfriend...next thing I know I see a shadow behind me and here's some friend of his in my yard trying to get into my apartment - all goosed up

I get him to leave "subtly"- and listen to the not so delightful cacophony next door for a bit and decide that maybe the time has come to speak to the building manager about it.

I calmly called the manager and asked him if he could have a quiet word with the little prick about this being a secure building so his friends shouldn't be waltzing in to my yard uninvited like - nor should they be hammering on my patio door all pissed up and just maybe he could stop throwing his beloved at the wall that separates our apartments (cos I'd like that) - and seriously - I'm not being facetious here...I was at this point still calm.

A couple of minutes later I hear the building manager in the hall knockin on the little prick's door. It takes him 5 or 6 attempts culminating in some flat out pounding to get his attention. The little prick comes to the door and the manager, as nice as nice can be reminds said prick that this is a secure building and as there are many apartments inhabited by single women he would appreciate it if he could have his friends not enter and exit through the patio.

Mr Personality starts yelling and screaming right away and calling me names - I'm his only neighbour...and the only neighbour who's just had one of his drunk friends in her yard and likely the building manager has told him he's received a complaint (cos the building manager ain't the smartest tack in the box either).

This escalates for about 20 min with this person hollering obscenities down the hallway (he called me "the bald C word" several times and said he hopes I get cancer and die) and the manager trying to calm him down....all the while I can hear all of this cos they are out in the hall...and now a crowd is starting to convene and other neighbours are out there complaining about him.

So the little prick goes flying into his apartment - actually through the apartment and out into his yard and tosses a big ole wine bottle into my yard - smashing it and thereby alerting all of the neighbours that heretofore were unaware of the problem...and pissing me right the fuck off.

Out the hall door I fly in my bare feet (first mistake)and head down the hall. I musta had some kinda look on my face cos the neighbours in the hall parted like the Red Sea.

I get to the door of the apartment and the manager is trying to physically restrain the little prick who catches sight of me and starts screaming more threats at me...he's gonna bring his army and they are gonna cut me up into little pieces, I don't know who I'm dealing with and some sorta voodoo crap....blah blah blah...they were rather creative threats but threats none the less....

I tried twice to talk to him, then I told him to try listening with his ears instead of his lips for once....and then decided that discretion was the better part of valor and headed down the hall towards my apartment - at which point he dropped the bomb....he hollers down the hallway..."you don't like me...you have a problem with me cos I'm a black man - you have a problem with Jamaicans."

Ya coulda knocked me over with a feather. So I very politely hollered back "I don't have a problem with the fact that you are Jamaican, I don't give a fuck what ya are...I don't like ya cuz yer an asshole!"

As you can guess things kinda degenerated from there....which finally brings me to my point (besides the Voice of Doom came down the hallway and got me and brought me home before I could go over the building manager at the little prick)

The point is that I am not a racist. I know that there are a lot of people that say that and don't walk the walk...but I am not. I am probably way too politically correct for my own good...I was raised by a pc person and have had jobs that required me to be overly politically correct all my life...and I am certainly not one of those insidious people that says "why I have friends that are black". I have friends - race doesn't count in friendship with me.

Personally I find that I am now more offended/insulted that he pulled the color card on me than I am that he throws his girlfriend around (cos she has a choice - she can leave)

My first thought was that I should have a club campover in my yard. My second thought was that the Voice of Doom won't get any sleep tonight cos she'll be worried about the little prick breaking down my door and getting at me. (last I heard he was still next door throwing things at the building manager while the manager waits for the police) and my third thought was that it just might not be a bad idea to load the shotgun. (but I can't remember where I hid the key to the cabinet so that's not an option)

Sanity has prevailed - I am sitting in my livingroom listening to calming music and thinking of what will happen to that little prick should he in fact get anywhere near my door this evening.

But let me tell ya - in a world of multicultures - there is nothing more disgusting than a little puissant that hides behind his race...nothing more disgusting than a human being that uses his race as an excuse for abhorrent behavior - and given the chance - I'll show that little prick exactly what I think.....except that as I type this the police have arrived and that should take care of that.

the Pickle raises from the dead!

New Dashboard!

I'm stoked!

course I don't have a speedo - but who needs one anyway?

Blind Dates

First date stories huh?

Hmmmmm…I think I have more than one…but here goes…

Once upon a time the big bald broad wasn’t so big and wasn’t so bald. In the olden days when my waist size was smaller and my hair length was longer I was living in NW ON and all my friends found it the challenge of the century to see who would be the one to find me the hook up of my dreams.

I wasn’t so much looking as I was enjoying the attention…and these women where just hell bent on finding me a mate…they were all married at the time and I’ve never been able to figure out if they wanted me to be as happy or as unhappy as they were…but I digress…and that’s likely a thought for whole other story…

For All Hallow’s Eve one year I decided to throw a big old girl’s night out costume party….there must have been some 30 women in costumes at my house…round about 11 pm we decided to go en-mass to the local biker bar to kick up our heels and act incognito…cos some of these costumes we really really good.

Did ya ever notice how it’s amazing what some women will get up to when they are in a costume…normally quiet reserved little church mice get a belly fulla beer and the next thing ya know they are dancing on tables and forgetting to take their shoes home!

After the wild and wanton show off at the bar…many of the patrons of same and the wild women I was with ended up at my house for an all nighter…in those days all nighter’s happened at my house cos I didn’t have kids.

It was during the time that Van Halen had released the album with the big old poster of David Lee Roth chained, near naked to a fence (funny the things we thought were sexy in our misspent youth…)
So that big poster of David had been nailed to my bedroom wall by one of the not so sober married ladies earlier in the evening and when I finally rolled out of bed the following day I come to discouver that the ladies that had been dressed as Dominatrix and such the night before had hung a whip, a couple of pairs of handcuffs (one of them fur lined) and some other sorta “gear” around that poster in my bedroom. I thought it was a hoot.

I noticed it…and then frankly completely forgot about it.

Flash forward about 3 months and I have put my foot down with the married ladies…NO MORE BLIND DATES!!

Sure enough…as soon as you are surely not looking…you meet the man of your dreams. Literally. I bumped into this gorgeous chunk of masculinity at the bank…this man is soo breathtaking that I am not even able to string words together in a sentence.

I spend a week er so daydreaming about him and what I might wanna do should the chance ever arise (well…daydreamin and night dreamin too…if ya get my drift) and during that time the power’s that be set the married women off on another find Wyz a man tangent.

I come to find out that one of my friends has set me up on a blind date.

Being the shy reserved quiet woman I am (?)…I am reluctant to go…but after much cajoling I do…I get to the meeting place and low and behold…it’s the daydream guy!

I figure this is kismet…karma…meant to be…I am farkempt! In my mind’s eye I am singing, “someday my prince will come”. Life is good!

We go out to dinner and a show…I am not only able to string words together in sentences…I am witty and funny and give just an all round stellar performance of someone he should want to spend some serious time with. We then go on to a pub for a couple of drinks…a very very enjoyable night…a very nice time…things are clicking along just wonderfully and I am happy.

At the end of the evening we get to my front door and he kisses me…I invite him in, ostensibly for a coffee (?) We end up doing some hard-core heavy breathing on the couch…

I am besotted…
I invite him to spend the night…
He agrees…
I suggest he meet me in the bedroom…last door on the left while I slip into the bathroom…probably to catch my breath…and check between my teeth for left over salad greens.

I get in the powder room and decide I oughta at least brush my teeth and hair and do something about the eye make up that is beating a fast retreat across my cheeks…that I should make myself a little more presentable…the anticipation is building to phenomenal levels…(as it only can for the young and the “full of” hormones) I am giddy and giggling like a schoolgirl…so I give myself a little pep talk in the bathroom mirror as well…just to prove to myself that this isn’t near as important as I seem to be making it. After all, I am an adult woman and I am in control. Anybody hear me roar?

I open the door of the bathroom, all-full of my sexy self to see him (said man of my dreams) standing in the hallway by my front door looking suspiciously like a deer caught in the headlights.

He is wearing his jacket and boots and has his hand on the doorknob about to leave.

“What’s up?”
“What’s going on?”
“Where ya goin?” I ask.

“Ummmmm…I gotta go…I don’t know how to say this” he says …“But you definitely ain’t my kinda woman!” And out the door he runs…not walk but runs….in such a freakin hurry that he leaves my front door wide open… I am puzzled and I follow him out on the porch…he won’t say another word as he climbs into his truck and beats a hasty retreat, gravel whipping under tires without so much as even a glance goodbye over his shoulder.

I go back in the house and locking my front door.I walk down the hall to my bedroom…and flip on the overhead light…

It is then that I spot the poster, and accoutrement. The whips, chains and handcuffs…and as I remember the look of abject terror on his face and I collapse in tears of laughter on my bed…

Some things were just not meant to be.