Fog

I feel like I've been living in a fog

and the veil has almost lifted

the past week has in some ways flown by

and in others dragged by impossibly slowly

the boss is a self absorbed as ever

and while there no longer is a club

contrary to my belief

that my decision would tear a rift

in the fabric of my "family"

in fact it has not

the players haven't changed so much

the love is still there

I've received support from men and women

far and wide

there have been secrets revealed to me

from all over the continent

about misdoings and misdeeds

of the same caliber as happened in my little life

from as far away as the east coast

down the eastern seaboard

and along the lower west coast

seems that the root of the problem

is a whole scale rot

that is ruining the love

but not for us...

we

have

ascended

as the Phoenix

and will continue to

spend our time

building and enjoying

we

will

survive

there

is

life

after...them

and like the Phoenix

we rise

Shine On

Shine on Harvest Moon

Up in the sky....

what is it?

that makes some people "joiners"?
while other people
not so much

what is it
that makes some people "doers"?
while other people
not so much

what is it
that makes some people "volunteer"?
while other people
no so much

what do you suppose it is?

Be Prepared to Weep

Phone Salesman

the new office

I am now affectionately calling my new office "the desert"
...even my cactus want water

we've been in here since the 6th
the heat has not come below 25 degrees once...

ok...I lied...right now it's 24.8

"Gertrude" the spider plant has been layin down on the job
for 2 weeks
and that's with my pouring water on her parched soil
once a day
(don't worry...I use a water meter)

I want a nap...
and it smells like pancakes cooking in here....

well...at least it ain't burnt toast!

Nina Simone....

Feeling Good

Smashed Pickle

so
as if I didn't have enough stress yesterday
what with announcing my departure
from my riding club of 5 years
(I thank all 217 of you that emailed me
and I promise to get responses to you
in some form or another
as soon as I collect myself)

but for further excitement...
a drunk in my building hit my trike
in the parking lot
and estimates so far is that it could be
anything from 2000.00 to 6000.00
in damages

I could weep
if I wasn't drugged to the eyeballs
goddess bless nerve pills!

so the cops came
tracked down the culprit
and he has committed to
paying for the damage
which seems to be
rebuilding the fiberglass form
that houses my trike
and painting my "used to be
completely original antique paint job"
*sigh*

but me...I'm not so trusting
and a worry wart
I'm sure the guy will try to squelch
and I'll end up with another
big bill to pay.....

I have a guy coming Sat
to give me an estimate
and we'll see what happens from there

it was funny though
put a police car
in the parking lot
of a building
half full of seniors
and they all show up
in their "house dresses"
giving the cop
CSI tips
LoL

who says ya can't learn
from TV?
5 years ago the general population
didn't know from bupkus
about crime scene investigation
and yesterday one of the 85 yr old ladies
powered up her walker
to go inside and get her digital camera
cos the cop wouldn't likely have one
good enough!

they made my day!
well them and all those people
coming outta the woodwork
via email....

I'm done...

there's nothing more to say
I'm done

I'm tired of something I loved so much hurting me the way it has
it's not fun anymore...

I'm not going anywhere
I'll still ride with friends when I can ride
and coffee with them sometimes when I can't
I just won't be in the club
the cost is too high

PAY ATTENTION!

there's been a lot of shit going on in my life of late
stuff that I'm no longer comfortable talking about
but shit that has shaken me emotionally
on levels I won't go into here
and really made me examine my friendships
my belief systems
and my life...

I guess I've said it before
and I'll say it again
I get my "community" from my friends
I have no partner...so my friends provide me
with the support and care that I am missing

sadly...all friends are not created equal
and sometimes I let that overwhelm me...

all of this coupled with
memories of 911
of the Tsunami that wiped out so much of Indonesia
of the horror of Katrina
and on a personal level
the troubles with the VOD
and the bother and the blister and the fadder

all this...sometimes makes me feel like
I just don't know why I bother to get up in the morning

but just when I am about to give up
something happens that re-awakens my sense
of resolution
to do the right thing
to be the best that I can be

I belong to a whole bunch of Internet forums
different types and different subjects
mostly motorcycling
but not all

over the years one particular forum
has attracted me
and it has pissed me off
and I have over the years
made and lost "virtual" friends and acquaintances
on of this forum....
people come and people go
but the core group of a couple of hundred
pretty much stay the same
and even when we are fighting with each other
we stay members
sometimes these people are so small minded
I'd like to hit them with a hammer
and sometimes they come thru in a manner that just
brings me to my knees....

On Sept 9th/07, while returning from a meet
in Yreka CA
a couple of people from this forum
were involved in an MC crash on the CA highway
on their way home to Lakeland CA

she was wearing leather
he was wearing a tank top and jeans

he is to this day in critical care
being kept medically unconscious
breathing by machine...

she (at this time) is about to be released to go home
to finish her convalescence there....
however home is 115 miles from the hospital he is being held in

the accident was as a result of a blow rear tire
a tire he checked before leaving to ride home
a tire that "looked" fine
and had the correct amount of air in it....

but now he has broken all of his ribs
away from his sternum and collapsed both lungs
and that doesn't even begin to describe the
road rash and head injury....

from the very moment that the people
on this forum heard of this accident
they have been galvanized to action

even those that said they didn't like him
have done something....

they have been at the hospital
(people called from all over North America so often that
the Dr's had a family only restriction put on information
because the nurses were spending more time answering the phone
than assisting patients)
they have prayed for him
they have mowed his lawn
they have collected his motorcycle
they have taken her her purse that they salvaged from the side of the road
they have taken up a collection to assist in missed payments
right now they are trying to figure out how they can manage to drive her to and from the hospital regularly to see him....

they have done any single thing that any one of them could imagine
to assist
to support
to love

me?
I am once again humbled

this time I am not humbled by man's inhumanity to man
but in his ability to reach out
to lend a hand
and a buck
for someone they barely know
and few have met face to face
but
when the chips are down
and there is a need
they are there....

and once again
I understand the "right of things"

do you believe

in horoscopes?

I'm always amazed when a horoscope rings true
but I find that they are usually one day behind times for me....

here's mine for today....

All systems are go, and you will find that the necessary information comes to you exactly when you need it, dear Leo. This is one of those times when things seem erratic and disjointed, but in reality, everything makes perfect sense when you stand back and look at it from the right angle. Today, however, you may not have the chance to stand back at all because you are right in the thick of things, helping to make all the chain links fit together.

what's your's?

Post Secret

I saw this guy
interviewed on the CBC program
The Hour

he gets post cards
from all over the world
and posts them on his blog

PostSecret

and now
he's written a book
A Lifetime of Secrets

which is likely how he got on The Hour.....

they are anonymous
and fascintating me...!

The Port Alberni Toy Run

the Toy Run was this past weekend
traditionally it's the season closer for us....

once again I wasn't able to ride....
it's a wing thing (still in a sling thing)

so I drove up and met my friends at the arena
they told me that there was well over 1000 bikes
in the parade

(later it was confirmed for me
by the Toy Run Committee
that they start counting when bikes arrive
on the road to the staging area
and they stop precisely at 12 noon
- so it has nothing to do with registrations)
but I digress....

we stayed at the arena for about an hour
and then headed over to our motel
(we stay at a little motel on the strip
that loves us)

the motel is in 2 pieces
and the set up affords the parking lot
to become a courtyard
a party courtyard....
the motel supplies us with tables and chairs
and locks the gate so no one can mess with our rides
when we aren't there.....
(we shuttle to and from the dance)

so there we are imbibing in beverages
and laughing like fools
and I look up to spot a new couple in our midst
my friend Kaz met them next door at the motel beside us
and invited them to join us....

I look at them and realize
with a big ole shock
that the woman
is my ex-blister in law
aka the bitch that ruined my bother's life
for about 17 years
and if that's not enough...
she hasn't talked to their teen aged son
in 3 years cos he chose to live with his dad (my bother)

I am completely gobsmacked to see her there
cos I got 17 years of looking down her nose at me
for being a biker
calling me names and inferring that being a rider
made me inferior or stupid....

yup...she's definitely not one of my
favorite people....

it occurs to me almost immediately
that should I not want to become
the damn floor show of the weekend
I'd best stop imbibing

cos I really truly do have one or two
little teeny weeny points
I'd like to put across to this woman
(and I'd likely with the back of my hand
if I continue to drink)

so I pointedly ignored her....
no small feat in a group of 30-40 people
but hey
I R an Artiste!

later....when I went in for a shower
to prepare for the evening ahead
I sent the bother (who was in Calgary at the time)
a text message:
"here I am in Alberni partying with the bikers
and guess who's here?"

he replies: ""Dallas?" (who is a friend of ours
that's been MIA from Port Alberni for 4 years)

I reply: "no the blonde princess....
partying with the bikers"

he replies: "divorce final, open season,
send in the big guns"

I reply: "don't need big guns....
I'm drinking alcohol.....
will call for bail!"

and that was one of the high points of my evening
well that and the water pressure
but that's another story LoL

as always....the truest high point
was being anywhere with my friends
my family....
the people that mean so much to me
that I can trust to not intentionally hurt me
who care for me when the chips are down....
them people...
ya know?

I love 'em all
even when if they act dumb LoL

anyway....when I was speaking
to the guy from the Toy Run Committee
I suggested that he should have
an award for the person
who'd had to drive
as opposed to ride the most often over the years
(this being my 3rd yr in a row and all)

it was pouring at the time....
he suggested that maybe
most riders wouldn't be feeling very sorry for me
as I got in the car and drove home in the rain

ya think?

Nostalgia

I'm feeling nostalgic...
for what once was

I am reminded of the lonely woman
that came on board
to be welcomed with open arms
and loving hearts....
that was treated with kindness
and consideration....
with compassion and friendship....

America said it best:

"This is for all the lonely people
Thinking that life has passed them by
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
And ride that highway in the sky

This is for all the single people
Thinking that love has left them dry
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
You never know until you try

Well, Im on my way
Yes, Im back to stay
Well, Im on my way back home (hit it)

This is for all the lonely people
Thinking that life has passed them by
Dont give up until you drink from the silver cup
And ride that highway in the sky"

pondering

all this thinking that I've been doing
about 9-11
has made me think
of other monumental occurrences
that have taken place during my lifespan
things that have shaped our worlds and lives......

where were you when the first man walked on the moon?

I was in Merritt BC at my aunt and uncle's place....the fadder was trying to watch the news clips as it happened and the aunt and the uncle and the cousin's were all gun ho to go to the demolition derby...the fadder says "this is history in the making...a man is walking on the moon" and the uncle says "yes...but the smash up derby only comes to Merritt once a year!"

where were you when JFK got shot?

"NOV. 22, 1963 (FRIDAY): John Fitzgerald Kennedy is shot at 12:30 p.m. while riding in an open-top limousine in a motorcade through downtown Dallas. He is pronounced dead at 1 p.m. at Parkland Memorial Hospital. Eighty minutes after the assassination, Lee Harvey Oswald is arrested. Later Oswald is charged with murder"
I was 8....and my mother wouldn't let me watch the footage on TV as she didn't want me "scared for life"

where were you when John Lennon got shot?

I was working in a bar in Thunder Bay ON...Matt Minglewood band had just finished playing an amazing set of rockin blues and walked off the stage for the night...3 minutes later, with the house lights on Matt came back on stage and announced that he and the band had just seen the news footage and that John Lennon was dead..his voice was laden with emotion....there was likely close to 300 people in that room and you could have heard a pin drop...and then the tears began

what sticks out in your mind?
what world changing event do you remember with absolute clarity?

9-11-1

six years later....

WoW

do you remember what you were doing
Sept 11 2001?

I got up in the morning to an email from a family member
it simply said "Oh my god...turn on the news"

so I sat
in my burgundy recliner
in the safety of my living room
in my flannel nightgown
and chenille robe
from morning to late afternoon
mesmerized....
horrified....
and crying inconsolably....

thousands of things stand out for me
the fear of those people in the Towers
and on the planes
the phone cell phone calls
the fact that a charged cell phone could be used as a light
the devastation
the deaths
the dirt

remember the triage set up across the river that serviced almost no one?remember the loss of demeanor of the news anchors?
remember the postulating of politicians?
remember the tears of those left behind?

where were you Sept 11, 2001?

I remember one thing with absolute clarity
I remember thinking that life is just this tenuous
and that we need to remember that slim window called life

in everything we do and say
from morning to night
day in day out

and so...on Sept 12, 2001
I set about "getting my life back"
I set about "getting me back to being me"

sometimes I've succeeded
and sometimes....not so much

but all the time
I am conscious of that slim window
that closed for so many
Sept 11, 2001

make up my mind already!

ya bitch when I blog about stuff
that you don't think is right

and then ya bitch when ya think
that I don't blog enough

make up my fuckin mind already!

er better yet.....
maybe you should step up to the plate
and start a blog of yer own
smarty pants!

errrr.......uhhhhhmmm ......
NOT!

life in the fast lane...

I find myself reluctant to post here
mostly cos
my freakin arm is killing me
mostly complicated by the recent
move of my office
from where it was
to about 100 ft down the hall

cos here's the thing about moving
YA STILL HAVE TO PACK EVERYTHING
and then
YA STILL HAVE TO UNPACK EVERYTHING

seems stupid
doesn't it?

the new office is substantially smaller
than the barn I was formerly in
which means I can damn near hear
my collegues breath

what's up with that?

as to the arm....
I have an appt with a specialist on the 13th
and hopefully he will find me some recourse
to get this toothache that's living in my arm gone!

and just on an aside.....
I'd feel a hell of a lot better about everything in my life
if I could just go for a fucking ride!

*sigh*

Into Dust - Mazzy Star

still falling
breathless and on again
inside today
beside me today
around broken in two
till your eyes shred
into dust
like two strangers
turning into dust
till my hand shook the way I fear

I could possibly be fading
or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate
your fate

it was you all breathless and tall
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
and two strangers turning into dust
turning into dust

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

Peggy Lee

SPOKEN:

I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.

I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up

in his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.

I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.

And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire"

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

SPOKEN:

And when I was 12 years old, my father took me to a circus, the greatest show on earth.

There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears.

And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.

And so I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle.

I had the feeling that something was missing.

I don't know what, but when it was over,

I said to myself, "is that all there is to a circus?

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

SPOKEN:

Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.

We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.

We were so very much in love.

Then one day he went away and I thought I'd die, but I didn't,

and when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"

SUNG:

Is that all there is, is that all there is

If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing

Let's break out the booze and have a ball

If that's all there is

SPOKEN:

I know what you must be saying to yourselves,

if that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?

Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,

for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,

when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath, I'll be saying to myself

SUNG:
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

Ear Worms again...

ya'll know how it is with my head
and little snippets of tunes?

I woke this morning with
not one
but 2
little ditty's
stuck in my head

I've been watching movies since last night
in a feeble attempt to get my
"days off" on

so the first snippet
is a we bit of a children's song:
"the cheese stands alone
the cheese stands alone
hi ho the dairy oh
the cheese stands alone"

the second is from the movie
The Wizard of Oz:
"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old Witch?
The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head,
rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - below - below.
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know The Wicked Witch is dead!"

around and around and around they go...
sooo
uhhhhmmmm?
apparently I'm nuts.....

who knew?