People Puzzle Me...

yup
they do...I have here a compilation of some of the things that currently puzzle me...
~~~~~~
so I may have mentioned that my brother and his wife have split up
he's like selling the farm to get shet of her
and she's sucking him dry
literally

so today - she phones and says she wants all their airmiles points
cos she's gonna go to India on holidays with her new beau of 15 minutes
and cos she's gonna treat one of her friends to a trip to Oprah
(go figure)

he says...no...you can't have all of them
cos you didn't earn all of them
and I've already given you the house
the business
and my left testicle

so I think I'll just keep some of the airmiles points
she freaks and calls him all kinds of names
then she hangs up
and her boyfriend calls back
to tell him that he's (my brother) being mean to her
and he shouldn't

my brother - ever the nice guy
says "have a nice day" and hangs up

me...I'd have said
"get yer loppy arse outta the bed I paid for and see ya in court!"
~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
where I work
we have all these people that are really really good at their job
and all these people that are...not so much
so one of the really good people wants to make puppies for a day
(as in fuckin the dog)
my boss says "no"
so I say "no"
so she says "fine then I quit"
so I say "I don't take blackmail lightly - see ya! bye!"
and the boss says
"ok - fuck the dog for a day"
and she's still employed
so I talk to him about it
and in the long run we argee that we have to take blackmail lightly
cos in our position right now
she's got us both by the speckled bluies
~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
my mom is scared of Dr's
and as a result hasn't gone to one regularly for about 30 or more years
so last Monday she mentions that she has had this "episode"
where her eye "went black" for an hour or so

so I suggest she should have that looked at by a Dr
and she figures she don't need a GP

so she goes to the optometrist
???
he (cos he's a smart man)
tells her that she needs to have a bunch of tests run
and she says "well ok"
so he says "who's your GP?"
she says "aint' got one"
so he says "isn't that funny...
I have a friend that 's just opened up a practice around the corner"
and walks her out the door and around the corner
to the GP's office...

so she has an appointment
and I think we're makin progress here
and she goes for the first visit
and comes back pissed
cos the Dr put her on BP med's
and ordered about a bajillion tests
she feels
she's succumbing to the influence
of the demon pharmaceutical companies

I'm like...
"whatever!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
here I am
a smart cookie
why am I still workin at a place
were I now feel
completely overwhelmed by the workload?
is it cos it's easy?
is it cos it's safe?
is it cos I am resistant to change?
is it cos I am so insecure that I believe I can't get anything better?
is it cos I'm lazy?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
how did I let myself get roped into
being in the wedding party
nobody said nutting about carrying flowers
and walking in a freakin procession
ain't it enough that I'm dressing like a god damn girl?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
last puzzle for the day:
look at the size of one square of toilet tissue
now
look at the size of one kleenex tissue
think of what those 2 different tissues clean
and tell me that ain't a fucking puzzle to you too!

G'night Dick~

A healthy reminder

If you die today...
work will replace you tomorrow...
run without you in a week...
and forget you in a month.

So why do we spend so much time focusing on work and less time on life?

Don't live to work...
Work To Live!

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

what a tiring day
I'm pooched

it was one of them
dress up the big wigs are comin days

and they didn't show up
and they weren't even polite enough to phone
and tell anybody that they weren't comin
our office had to call to find out

sheesh
if I did something like that I get demerits

I' m fighting off bronchitis again
I'm terrified it will hit just before B n B's wedding
so I'm gonna try to sleep lots between now and then

if the cosmos would just cooperate!
g'night

It's Official...

I'm an old fart....and fall has arrived and I seem to be nesting instead of riding cos the pickle is still broke.... yesterday I made a vat of turkey veg soup (4 big canning pots in all)

and a vat of spaghetti sauce

then I had to go to the store and buy a cartload of that fake tupperware so I could get it all inna freezer!

there's nothing like the smell of homemade turkey soup and homemade bread to snap you outta a little melancholy!

Crazy - Simple Plan

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They won't all stop 'till they reach their dreams
Diet pills, surgery
Photoshop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't all make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what's goin' on
Tell me whatall's goin' on
If you open your eyes
You all'l see that somethin' is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Makin' kids feel like it's World War III
No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
And money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what's goin' on
Tell me whatall's goin' on
If you open your eyes
You all'l see that somethin' is wrong

Is everybody going crazy
Is everybody going crazy

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see,
Rich guys driving big SUV's
While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what's goin' on
Tell me whatall's goin' on
If you open your eyes
You all'l see that somethin' is wrong
somethin' is wrong

Customer Service

everyone has an opinion

this one is hilarious!

http://rollertrain.blogspot.com/2005/07/how-may-i-help-you-die-customer.html

Pickle Power?

Many of you know that I blew the motor in my Trike on Sept 17th...
So I was pleased to receive a call from the mechanic...the new (to me) motor is in...

Turns out my old motor was a 1200 single port VW and the new one is a 1600 dual port...so she's not only fixed but will go like snot!! and I have lights again!

Next is the addition of the new front end some time in Novemeber...things are definitely looking up over here...

and then...

so I hop on the Mill Bay Ferry from Brentwood and Jenn picks me up...off we go to collect the Pickle...

I get there....Bull starts er up....she sputters a bit cos she's mad and then purrs like a kitten...
Jenn has done a restoration job on her finish so she's shinny like a new penny and Bull has not only put in the *bigger* motor...but did anyone know I had dash lights for oil and electrical??? I sure a hell didn't...and...my radio works again...as does my headlight!

So I'm all excited...

I get my gear on to ride her home...

I get about half way down their driveway and the pissy old woman starts to puke smoke...I stop...Bull runs up and pulls the cable offa the battery...he looks up and says..."so...remember the wiring you were planin on doing in the spring?" and he winks...

It's all the old woman's fault...Jenn and Bull have been treatin her so nice she decided she wanted to stay longer....crickey they ever let her sleep in a garage...so she's spoiled now!

End result....Jenn run me back to the ferry and here I am home...back in my Pickle free zone...

uhmmm Jenn?...start weaning her now so that the next time I get up there she'll at least let me outta the damn driveway will ya?

Motorcycle Maintenance

So your shiny new cruiser is gleaming in the garage, and the payments aren't too bad, and you have some ultra-loud pipes and a skull-and-crossbones do-rag on order. Life is good. If you ask an assortment of riders why motorcycles are better than cars, you'll get the usual assortment of answers about freedom, being one with nature, astounding performance for the money, fuel economy, and looking cool. It's all true, of course. Cars offer somewhat better protection against heat, cold, rain, and impromptu street riots, but for most of us, that doesn't compensate for the joys of riding.

There is one definite drawback to the motorcycle, however. To one degree or other, motorcycles have their mechanical parts hanging out and accessible, which to many people is an open invitation to adjust, modify, or maintain their own mechanical marvels--even people who have difficulty operating a VCR or assembling the toy in a kid's Happy Meal. Sportbikes do what they can to discourage this by shrouding many components in expensive plastic, but this is just a token gesture, because it's easily removed and broken. Our V-, Road, and Royal Stars are gleaming examples of mechanical accessibility, just inviting the complete idiot to adjust a brake or remove a valve cover or drain the fork oil. As a passable example of just such an idiot, I thought I'd offer a few suggestions to the beginner.

Your Workspace
You hear a lot about "shade-tree mechanics," but in the motorcycling world, most of them have been crushed by Silverados whose kickstands sunk into the dirt below the shade tree. You will need a flat, firm surface, like your bedroom floor or Arnold Schwarzenegger's abdomen. Make sure that you have adequate lighting to distinguish a loose axle nut from parts of your own anatomy. You will need a small pan to catch oil drips (unless you're working on a friend's vintage Harley, in which case you will need a child's swimming pool). Make sure you have lots of shop rags, band-aids, and chilled fermented beverages. A fire extinguisher should be nearby, along with your medical-insurance card and your dealer's phone number. Most beginners strive for a workspace with large, immovable objects elevated just far enough from floor level for bolts and small parts to bounce under when dropped.

Basic Tools
Most modern motorcycles can be damaged beyond repair with just a few simple tools designed for plumbing and carpentry use. You should have at least:
One roofing hammer, which will be used to break loose stubborn parts, to reshape sheet-metal items, for carburetion adjustments, and to force-fit screws and bolts that you forgot that you removed from the other side of the bike One large, inexpensive crescent wrench, used to round off small bolt heads One small, flat-bladed screwdriver, which will sort of fit into the slots of a Phillips-head screw or bolt Two large, flat-bladed screwdrivers, used to puncture tubes while levering tires on/off of rims One can of WD-40, useful for evaporating grease out of bearings and helping road dirt stick to everything One 12-amp automotive battery charger, for that sweet smell of boiling acid One spray bottle of Armor All, used for making both your seat and tire treads exceedingly slick One container of two-year-old lawnmower gas 90% of all home motorcycle repairs can be bungled with this simple collection of tools and supplies. If you don't have these, I'd guess that your dealer will be pleased to provide them for you. As you gain confidence, you might add an SAE socket set for your metric bike, or vice-versa; some duct tape in a contrasting color to anything on your bike; woodworking glue; and a crowbar. You're now ready to do your own repair work.

Preparing to Work
Before starting any work on your motorcycle, make sure that it is clean. Take your bike and a pocketful of quarters to a coin-operated car wash and pressure-clean the wheel bearings and electrical parts with soap, then call a friend with a pickup truck or trailer to get you and your non-starting bike back home. While your bike drip-dries, scatter your tools on the floor around it for easy access. Maintenance jobs go faster if you wait until evening when you are tired and cranky. I recommend wearing only clothing marked "dry clean only," because these will better resist solvents.

Some Expert Help
One optional step, only for the squeamish, is to obtain a shop manual. You will need a new one each time you obliterate the illustrations with black, greasy handprints. Factory shop manuals all cost a hundred dollars, are 500 pages thick, and say things like "Use Yamaha Special Tool GRS85-003021-5439(a) to remove the ignition key from the ignition switch assembly." Aftermarket manuals spell words oddly ("tyres," "blinkers") and have had the same photos of fouled spark plugs for 30 years. Either type will have exploded diagrams of various subassemblies, useful for figuring out just which part just bounced under the old refrigerator, but will direct you to use exotic tools like "pullers" and "feeler gauges," which you don't have and which would look suspiciously like sex toys on your Visa bill.

Some Simple Rules of Thumb
All motorcycles legal for sale in North America use oil in precise quart increments. If three quarts doesn't look like enough, pour in another quart. Recommended tire pressures are approximate, because the pressure rises as the tire heats in use. The lower the tire pressure, the greater the heat and resulting increase in pressure, so just about any reading between "flat" and "exploded" is OK. "Slick" tires have a greater contact patch on the road, as all drag racers know. Replace worn tires only when bits of carcass fabric are sticking out of the tread, unless you can clean those up with nail clippers. Motorcycle batteries are designed to benefit from the various life-giving elements in mineral water, available in various sizes at your grocery store. If you remove muffler baffles (or entire mufflers) to reduce backpressure, be sure to reduce intake restrictions as well by removing the air filter, or at least replacing it with a high-flow model. Unsightly dried bugs on a windshield or instrument faces come right off with Comet cleanser or steel wool and a little "elbow grease." And Comet added to your oil will also help de-glaze cylinder bores. If your machine burns or leaks oil, try a heavier viscosity such as 50W-70 or even better, gear lube, with a quart of STP. Control cables tend to fill with crud over time, which can be removed by pressure-washing at the car wash. Air-cooled engines should only be washed with cold water from a garden hose, once the engine has warmed to operating temperature and is idling. Greasy build-up can be removed from aluminum parts with inexpensive muriatic acid, available at pool-supply stores. Be sure to mask adjoining parts carefully before spray-painting your tank or fenders. Use a quick-drying enamel such as "Krylon." Latex house paint will tend to discolor over time. As you gain familiarity with your machine, and learn the names of all the parts guys at your dealership, you will have the self-satisfaction of knowing that your machine reflects your personality and mechanical aptitude. Now before you get all proud and big-headed, make sure that you have your car hood welded shut.
This is all in fun, of course. Everything suggested above will ruin your bike. As they say in the ads, "don't try this at home."