People Puzzle Me...

yup
they do...I have here a compilation of some of the things that currently puzzle me...
~~~~~~
so I may have mentioned that my brother and his wife have split up
he's like selling the farm to get shet of her
and she's sucking him dry
literally

so today - she phones and says she wants all their airmiles points
cos she's gonna go to India on holidays with her new beau of 15 minutes
and cos she's gonna treat one of her friends to a trip to Oprah
(go figure)

he says...no...you can't have all of them
cos you didn't earn all of them
and I've already given you the house
the business
and my left testicle

so I think I'll just keep some of the airmiles points
she freaks and calls him all kinds of names
then she hangs up
and her boyfriend calls back
to tell him that he's (my brother) being mean to her
and he shouldn't

my brother - ever the nice guy
says "have a nice day" and hangs up

me...I'd have said
"get yer loppy arse outta the bed I paid for and see ya in court!"
~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
where I work
we have all these people that are really really good at their job
and all these people that are...not so much
so one of the really good people wants to make puppies for a day
(as in fuckin the dog)
my boss says "no"
so I say "no"
so she says "fine then I quit"
so I say "I don't take blackmail lightly - see ya! bye!"
and the boss says
"ok - fuck the dog for a day"
and she's still employed
so I talk to him about it
and in the long run we argee that we have to take blackmail lightly
cos in our position right now
she's got us both by the speckled bluies
~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
my mom is scared of Dr's
and as a result hasn't gone to one regularly for about 30 or more years
so last Monday she mentions that she has had this "episode"
where her eye "went black" for an hour or so

so I suggest she should have that looked at by a Dr
and she figures she don't need a GP

so she goes to the optometrist
???
he (cos he's a smart man)
tells her that she needs to have a bunch of tests run
and she says "well ok"
so he says "who's your GP?"
she says "aint' got one"
so he says "isn't that funny...
I have a friend that 's just opened up a practice around the corner"
and walks her out the door and around the corner
to the GP's office...

so she has an appointment
and I think we're makin progress here
and she goes for the first visit
and comes back pissed
cos the Dr put her on BP med's
and ordered about a bajillion tests
she feels
she's succumbing to the influence
of the demon pharmaceutical companies

I'm like...
"whatever!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
here I am
a smart cookie
why am I still workin at a place
were I now feel
completely overwhelmed by the workload?
is it cos it's easy?
is it cos it's safe?
is it cos I am resistant to change?
is it cos I am so insecure that I believe I can't get anything better?
is it cos I'm lazy?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
next puzzle:
how did I let myself get roped into
being in the wedding party
nobody said nutting about carrying flowers
and walking in a freakin procession
ain't it enough that I'm dressing like a god damn girl?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
last puzzle for the day:
look at the size of one square of toilet tissue
now
look at the size of one kleenex tissue
think of what those 2 different tissues clean
and tell me that ain't a fucking puzzle to you too!

G'night Dick~