Children...

I had a child when I was 18 and gave her up for adoption.

I wasn't in college at the time - I was pretty much a lost soul (drugs and trouble a go go - every parent's nightmare) but I had it in my head that this child I was carrying would be the "saving" of me and that I should carry her and give birth and by some kind of miracle we would both live happily ever after.

The Voice of Doom (aka my mom) in her infinite wisdom - hussled me off to see a counsellor...whom I saw for about 6 mths of the pregnancy. This counsellor was able to assist me in "growing up" enough to make an adult decision about the future life of my child.

Through the counselling I was able to come to the understanding that my pregnancy wasn't to be taken lightly. That I should be responsible enough to make an adult and educated decision on behalf of the child I was carrying as opposed to a childish selfish decision for myself. So I made the decision to give her up and did so without ever seeing her. She was adopted by 2 Dr's in Eastern Ontario Canada...and that's all I know about her life.

Toughest thing I have ever had to do (and beleive me when I say that there have been some close seconds in my life cos I ain't done much the easy way - but none harder)

I look back from 50 at the path I travelled and understand now that it was in fact the best decision I could have ever made. For both of us. I was young and inexperienced and on a long road to trouble. A road that I would have likely hauled her along on. Eventually it came to pass that I realized that I needed to continue to "grow up" and I still consider myself a work in progress.

I have never tried to contact her, but I have registered so should she try to find me she can.
This I know...every parent thinks of their child or children at some point in time in each and every day. It's the very nature of parenting. In the instance of having given a child up for adoption, one does not think of the child less often, one simply must come to the understanding that one's thoughts can only be conjecture and pray that all the good conjecture has come to fruition for your child.

And that is the hardest part of all.