we can't go back

often times
I find myself
wishing things could be
the way the used to be

the what if's
will drive me mad

what if Mike hadn't died?
what if I'd have gone to law school?
what if I'd not become an addict?
what if I'd not given the baby up for adoption?
what if the arm wrestler wasn't a narcissist?
what if the Indian wanted a more normal life?
what if the East Coast boy wasn't a thief and a junkie?
what if I'd not lost everything?
what if I'd not moved here?

what if?

this I know
each of these lessons
I had to learn
to bring me to
the person I have become

each of these lessons
were specifically designed
to teach me what I needed to know
to be me

you can't go back
there's simply no possibility

we can only go forward
"once more into the breach"

we can't go back...