I'm ready

there has been so much go on
in the last few days
that I haven't been in here
and now I'm off for a couple of weeks
to ride and see friends...

the Pickle is fixed
and my bags are packed
and the first ferry is at 7 AM
I'm ready for hollydaze
tomorrow!!

in the meantime...
a friend reminded me today....
remember the
Duirwaigh

Once Upon a time

...a man fell in love with me
because I knew the words
to this sea shanty
we were together for 3 years
in retrospect
it speaks volumes
about my love life~

BARRETT'S PRIVATEERS - Stan Rogers

Oh, the year was 1778,
HOW I WISH I WAS IN SHERBROOKE NOW!
A letter of marque come from the king,
To the scummiest vessel I'd ever seen,

CHORUS:
God damn them all!
I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns-shed no tears
Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers.

Oh, Elcid Barrett cried the town,
HOW I WISH I WAS . . .
For twenty brave men all fishermen who
would make for him the Antelope's crew
(chorus)

The Antelope sloop was a sickening sight,
She'd a list to the port and and her sails in rags
And the cook in scuppers with the staggers and the jags
(chorus)

On the King's birthday we put to sea,
We were 91 days to Montego Bay
Pumping like madmen all the way
(chorus)

On the 96th day we sailed again,
When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight
With our cracked four pounders we made to fight

(chorus)
The Yankee lay low down with gold,
She was broad and fat and loose in the stays
But to catch her took the Antelope two whole days
(chorus)

Then at length we stood two cables away,
Our cracked four pounders made an awful din
But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in
(chorus)

The Antelope shook and pitched on her side,
Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the Maintruck carried off both me legs
(chorus)

So here I lay in my 23rd year,
It's been 6 years since we sailed away
And I just made Halifax yesterday
(chorus)

so I went for a ride...

alrighty then
went for a ride
pulling thru a long inside curve
grab me a fist fulla throttle
throttle sticks wide open..
Fuck
throttle comes off in my hand...
Fuck
now don't that get my attention?
hello little ditch
hello tall grass
hello big f*ckin trees
FUUUUUUCK!
the only saving grace is that I ride on 3 and didn't fall over...
slipped over the ditch and thru the grass and stopped nestled between 2 trees...I couldn't a done it better if I'd aimed for it
went home....to change my drawers!

You cannot find peace by avoiding life

To look life in the face,
always,
to look life in the face,
and to know it for what it is.

At last to know it,
to love it,
for what it is,
and then,
to put it away...

The Hours

Saturday...

I'm a little sad er something today...

big announcements at work
that have left everyone feeling slightly
frantic and panicky

most of my closest friends leave on holidays this week
some are leaving for close to 2 whole months
and some coming and going over the course of the summer
at the risk of repeating myself
I can't decide if I am jealous or envious
or just sad to see them go....

I gotta say...
after 3 months of heightened activity
having a day to spend waiting around
for the VOD to get ready
is wearing thin

course in a couple of weeks when all my pals have left on hols
I'll be glad for her company
or
I'll go on hols myself!!

I'm not so much concerned about the changes at work
cos I'm thinking my time there is almost spent
who knows?

but like most humans
I remain resistant to change

speaking of change...
took the Demon Dog to the groomer
and she asked me how old he was again
I told her that I can't remember if he's 15 or 17

so she asks me
"if he has a heart attack what do you want me to do?"

fuck
DNR...just like me
but what a crappy thing to have to think about
on this dreary Saturday anyway

it's not like I don't know it's gonna happen
but if I don't think about it right now
it kinda puts it off right?

oh shaddup
don't mind if I do!

I deampt...

I dreampt I was young and slender again
young slender and still hot
with waist long thick thick hair
and eyes so brown they are almost black

I'm wearing a beat up old brown leather jacket
10 year old trim fitting jeans and a white razor back T
and well fitting comfortable boots

I am a thug
er rather
I am a descendant of street thugs
I am one of the 6th generation
of people that have migrated to this country
to have a better life.

I walk into the store close to closing
I bypass the owners holding court for their many admirers
I take the stairs and narrowly miss being caught by the cameras
Security rides the elevators and the maintenance lifts

I wander around the third floor
racks and racks of name brand coolness
designer clothes to appeal to men and women
with time on their hands and money to burn

I know only the hard core rider with money comes up here
and I’ve already seen the crowds around the likes of Paris Hilton
and Lindsay Lohan on the first floor

I stride past the racks of Hilfiger and Harley Davidson clothes
I disappear into the ladies washroom and use my knife to
slide open the lock on the door to the supply closet

I nestle into a niche
between the boxes of toilet paper and tampons
relocking the door from the inside
I hunker down for a wait

At 9 PM the store closes
I hear the security announcements
and the teams of radio operating security guards
roving back and forth across the floors
making sure no one is left behind

Security even comes into the Ladies to check
that no one is sitting on the john
with their feet pulled up
they are smug in their thoroughness

by 10 PM all is quiet and I exit the closet
and head for the office
I stretch out on the leather couch in the Owner's office
and go to sleep

I awaken at 4:30 to the sound of the alarm on my watch
and I slip behind the wall the into the hidden closet
that I'd helped the Owner design when we were kids
from behind the wall, thru a peephole
I watch the custodian clean the Owner's office
under the watchful eye of 2 gun toting security guards

When they are done and leave
I head back to the third floor Ladies
knowing that it's already been cleaned and I can
safely lock myself back in the closet
I hunker down again and go back to sleep

I wake again at 7:30
this time on my own
and step out of the closet
I stop and smile as I realize that at this time
there is no one in the store
not even the crack security team
there is just me
and the camera's

I wander through the rows of merchandise to the escalator
silent and waiting to move the day's patrons
I slide down the handrail to the second floor
and lengthen my stride as I head for the grand staircase
to take me to the main floor

I know the cameras are missing me
it's the computer program that one of the Owner's and I designed
it receives sensor signals from objects that move where they shouldn't
and how they shouldn't
but the isles and grand staircase aren't picked up
as they are too obvious
unless the person using them
is running or skulking

I walk down the grand staircase with confidence
and stride to the front door of the store
I spot 3 people walking by the front of the store
so I push open the double doors
bringing on the urgent sound of the alarms

I saunter along on the sidewalk
looking for all the world like one of a group of 4 people
headed home after a long night of partying
while police cars descend from all directions
to aid the crack security team
find the culprits
the thieves
the people trying to ruin the dynasty

Hours later I come back to the store
I enter with no problem
and climb the main staircase to the 2nd floor

There I spot Greg and Derek the Owners
holding court...

I grew up with these men
Greg - young lithe and muscular
the life of the party and the hard core brains
the moneymaker

Derek - older, quiet reserved,
bald and well built, muscular
wrap around shades and a white goatee
rarely speaks and when he does his voice is like gravel
the brawn

Greg and Derek have grown up to open this 4-story empire
it's a motorcycle shop the likes of this world has never seen
one large city block, 4 stories high
all chrome and shiny
miles of leather
and every kind of high-end part
a body could want on his ride

Greg has prided himself on having the highest paid
crack security team on the planet
he's made his money dime by dime
fighting every step of the way
and nobody is getting nothing for free

Derek sits on the sidelines and quietly watches
he understands what drives Greg
and he supports and upholds Greg's decisions
they have, after all, made him rich

they are celebrities now...
often surrounded by celebrities and paparazzi
They don't often have time for old school
for the thugs and family they once were

I wiggle thru the crowd surrounding them
and bring myself to the forefront
Camera’s flash as Greg turns to me

"Little Bit, what are you doing here?"
I shrug
"I ain't got time for games today girl....
I've got meetings with the board of directors
and Trump is coming by for lunch"

I glance over at Derek all tanned and strong
sitting slumped and unhappy
on the seat of a 2005 VRod...

"I suppose you don't have time either?" I ask
He just shakes his head no...as Greg answers
"he's after that ghost again...you know? the one in the news?
something sent the sensors and the cops
into a whirlwind at dawn again this morning"

he shakes his head as he turns away from me...

"that's the 25th day in a row...and them high dollar suits in security
can't figure out what the f....just what are we paying them for?"
he says, as he turns to walk away

Derek stands to join him

"I was in the store last night"
I say,as they continue to move away from me
Derek stops mid stride
and they both turn to look at me incredulously

"you what?" Greg says
as Derek growls..."L'il bit?"

"I was in the store last night" I repeat
"actually...I've been sleeping in your office for over 3 weeks"

silence broken only by the pop pop of camera flashes
"I popped the front doors open at 7:51 this morning when I left"

"come with me" Greg mutters as he grabs my arm
Derek moves to my other side
and they begin to escort me
out and away from the reporters

a smile begins to dawn on Derek's face
"it was you?" he growls
"who else?" I smile

and I awaken.

me n the VOD

so I'm having this thing with my mother
henceforth and forever after known
as the Voice of Doom...

she's been gone for 3 months
she came back a week er two ago
and I immediately left for the weekend

she has shingles
and will not go to the Dr.
at least I think it's shingles...cos that's what she guess' it is

I have made a decision to have a life
to no longer be her beck and call girl
and
she ain't cottoning on to that idea

she's pissed

I come home from workin in a room
with 800-1200 people talking
and she wants to talk
cos the Guiding Light
won't answer her...

I've been saying for years that it's like being married
I have all the hassle and none of the fun

I love her to death
she is my mother

but I'm turning 50 in a month
don't ya think it's time I cut the imbilical cord
and set her free?

Please?

more introspection

I've been thinking about how giddy I've been lately

sometimes I think it's cos I'm nuts.
at least...
that's what I'm telling others...

but I know

it's glee
it's good humor
it's happiness

cos
ya can't have been sick as long as I have
and then get to the point where you can leave home
once and as while
and not get gleefully

truly
after being sick for somewhere between 20 and 30 years
(the courts still out on when it actually started)
getting to a point in my life
were I can go off and play every now and then
its absolutely liberating!

it completely boggles my mind
when I think of the years I've spent
and the dollars I've spent on this disease

and for a long time
when I first started feeling better
I was afraid to believe...
but now I do

and I am eternally grateful

I am fully cognizant that it may not last
but I'm gonna enjoy what I've got
while I can

because I like me giddy!

remember the Duirwaigh!

Carnival...

I've walked these streets
a virtual stage
it seemed to me
make up on their faces
actors took their
places next to me

I've walked these streets
in a carnival
of sights to see
all the cheap thrill seekers
the vendors and the dealers
they crowded around me

have I been blind
have I been lost
inside my self and
my own mind
hypnotized
mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?

I've walked these streets
in a spectacle of wealth and poverty
in the diamond markets
the scarlet welcome carpet
that they just rolled out for me

I've walked these streets
in the mad house asylum
they can be
where a wild eyed misfit prophet
on a traffic island stopped
and he raved of saving me

have I been blind
have I been lost
inside my self and
my own mind
hypnotized
mesmerized
by what my eyes have seen?

have I been wrong
have I been wise
to shut my eyes
and play along
hypnotized
paralyzed
by what my eyes have found
by what my eyes have seen
what they have seen?

have I been blind
have I been lost
inside my self and
my own mind
hypnotized
mesmerized
by what my eyes have found
in that great street carnival
in that carnival?

~Natalie Merchant

Family is Friends...and a Show n Shine..

I was away for the weekend and had an absolutely fantasmagorical time!

There's something just magical about being with good friends and having a planned event go off with virturally no hitches...after weeks of rain...the day dawned bright and sunny...volunteers showed up...things got done yadda yadda yadda

but what I really wanna mention is the people...

Some of these people have known each other for a few years...there were people there from all up and down the island and from WA state...I can't tell you how it makes my heart swell to see all these people and know that they are my friends.

I rode up there after work on Friday and was made inexorably welcome to their home by Gator and Ali...on an aside...I gotta say...there's something precious about these two people and the way they treasure each other. For a beat up old canadian biker of 66 to have found his soul mate in a smart, classy, substantially younger little spitfire from the midwest of the US only moments after she'd lost her partner of over 20 years...makes a tired old bald broad like me think that maybe there's hope for me yet.

Then again...after the past weekend I just had I could happily spend my time watching these people love each other...and for now...that would be enough.

There were ton's of my riding club members there Friday night: Pam and her MIA husband and kids, Kiffy and Denny, BonBon and Ripper, Jaffa and BearCat, the list goes on. And leave us not forget the Yanks! Gadget, and JoMoma, Cowboy and Monique....by 8 pm I'd been laughing for hours...so much so that my sides hurt and my throat was sore.

The event itself was a raving, knock down drag out success...and I won't go into all minute details because...well...I've put on/developed/chaired so many of them I get it. I'm not jaded, but I've more important ideas to get down here than the workings of the machine.

Suffice it to say, good planning, good leadership, good volunteers, and a good idea paid off in dividends at the end. We certainly couldn't have asked for better weather...all things considered...the turnout was tremendous...as a result of the hard work of 180 in prepartation and 443 who just pitched in as they arrived and got the job done...having put on one or two events in my time I gotta say Congratulations! to the club for a job well done...I looked around the parking lot at 7 pm and there was nothing left but a few cigarette butts.....now that's takin care of bidnezz! (ok - a few stat's - the little Show n Shine that could had 66 registered entries in 14 categories and estimates are that at any given time there were 400 riders there with as many as 600 in total all day....not bad for 5 mths' work eh?)

Too cool...as I said earlier, I started laughing on Friday night and I still wuz still laughin Monday afternoon...except of course for 3Wheel's attempts at ruining my reputation by making me cry in public not once but twice on the Saturday night! (note to self...when 3Wheel starts speachifying...leave the room to save tuff biker broad image!!)

Here's another aside, a year ago 3Wheel (my best male friend) and I attended a rally in Salmon Arm called the Summer Stomp at which time I, in passing, introduced him to my best female friend Bee. Saturday night...while standing in front of 40-50 of our closest friends (bikers all) he proposed to her and she accepted.

I don't care what them tough old fools say...there wasn't a dry eye in the house...lord that man turned out to be a romantic...and there are pictures of big burly bikers quietly wiping a tear from their eye...now that's brotherhood...no...better yet...that's family!

No sooner did we all get mopped up and commence laughing again and the silly old fucker presented the daughter of one of our brotherhood with 5 crisp 100.00 bills to fullfill a commitment that he made to her. Last fall when she was contemplating leaving high school he told her if she graduated she'd get'em...and by gawd she did! Not only did she graduate...but she graduated with honors and got a scholarship to college! I can't imagine how proud Bear and Teddy (her parents) are...I can only say that I couldn't be prouder of her if she was my own.

...and there wasn't a dry eye in the house again!!

All of this was followed by a dinner for approximately 50 volunteers...and what a dinner this was...fresh home made clam chowder (made with patience and love eh Bente?) fresh Pacific crab, fresh oysters steamed on the barbie to just cooked, and a metric ton of fresh shrimp...and fresh Pacific scallops wrapped in bacon....thought I'd died and gone to heaven I did!

And again with the laughing...Takela Gurl showed up from WA state on Sat..."surprise" and by the end of the day Sunday earned herself a new nickname...isn't that right LooAnn?

On the Sunday a group of us rode up to Port Alberni to have lunch on the quay. Once again, I've gotta say...the ride is awesome...and the sight of 15 or 20 bikes in formation on the road ahead of my trike just makes my heart go pitta pat!

We stopped at the Cathederal Grove for a photo op on the way home...whereby I scared the virtual crap outta everybody by trying to have a nap under a car!...turns out the knee is fine...albeit purple to my ankle....but that's ok cos it matches my palms! The things a girl will do to get attention away from them big beautiful old growth trees eh?? oh yeah...and thanks to my friends for keeping that guy from running me over whist I was examining the asphalt up close and personal like... In spite of all this the pictures turned out lovely...those magestic old growth trees made even us crusty old bikers look fine...

I met soo many people this weekend that more and more I think it's time for us to have photo pages and nick name tags so we can remember them all...to all my new SCRC friends..Well Met! and to those of you I see regularly...thanks for making this weekend soooo special...WHAT A BLAST!

I made it home safe and sound...as did all the rest of us...and here it is Tuesday night...and I'm still basking in the afterglow of wonderful people and an event that put the SCRC on the map!

At the risk of repeating myself...THIS CLUB ROCKS!!