I am a creature of habit

for 10 years I've lived in this building
and for 10 years I've complained about living in this building

I need to get outta here
but that involves packing and moving
and I am a creature of habit

and then there's the whole conversation
about the VOD
and what/how the hell I'd be able to deal with that

she won't move into a house with me
she now won't move to my bother's cos
he's got a girlfriend
and besides
there's a possibility the fadder
will be living in his trailer
there for a couple of months

the blister will drop in from afar
again in Jan or Feb
to once more tell me
how much I owe the VOD
and what I should be doing
to take care of her properly
and then she'll bugger off again
leaving me
a creature of habit
alone here
with the "Queen" of Resistance to Change
(at least I come by it honestly)

ugh

I had almost made up my mind
to wait till I am 55 to purchase something'
because I want a mobile
and everything that's been in my price range
has been in a 55+ park
and besides...that's only 2.5 years

but today I'm thinking
that I need to get on this
this morning
I went to the laundry room
during my scheduled laundry time
to find some guy in there going thru my knickers

not that there's anything more than
cotton old lady drawers
but they're mine
and he should fuck off!

I'm so tired of not being able to live
in my personal space
the way I want to
imagine getting to a point in your life
where you fantasize about
doing laundry when you want

I think I'm right fucking tired
of having to base my decisions
on "adult" thought processes
as opposed to gut

I WANT OUT of this building
but I guess I want an easy way
cos
I'm not sure I can afford it
nor can I handle the idea of packing

on the flip side
the drunken deviant
that smashed my trike in the parking lot
in Sept
handed over 14 - 100.00 bills yesterday
as a start in paying for the damages
to my trike

so
thats one less thing to scrape for

jeeez
do people actually get to a point
where they don't have to base their
life decisions
on how much
they'll have in the bank?

how is it that all these people I know
travel
and I can't afford a car?
how is it
that so many people
own their own homes
and I can't afford
an outhouse

I think maybe I should just shut up
I'm starting to scare even myself!