Knee jerk reacctions....

…abound
or “the perils of communicating online”
(this is likely the blogpost you’ve all been waiting for ;0)

last week on Tues I had an in-depth discussion
on facebook with two friends
one of whom I considered one of my closest friends
the other a friend whom I’d had a falling out with a year ago
the convo was about a subject
very near and dear to me
rape…
and our need to make fun
of the things
that make us uncomfortable
so it was an impassioned conversation
at the end of which I went to bed
thinking that the 2nd friend and I
had experienced a breakthrough
and that I’d really been heard
and really that all was well

I woke up on Wed thinking
what a great thing it was
to be able to have a conversation
with friends
and to agree to disagree
and not have it affect the friendships
to feel safe and to be able to trust them

I went back to re-read the response of the wife
of one of the friends
whom I also considered one of my closest friends
to find a message
from someone whom I’ve possibly met 3 times

it offended me right out of the gate…
he even said in the post “at the risk of offending”

coming out of the warm fuzzy’s
to someone making fun of my heart-felt stance
was like a slap in the face
and considering this person
was mostly a friend of a friend
(and likely a good guy
but not my personal friend)
I experienced a knee jerk reaction

for the 2nd time
in all the time I’ve been on FB
I deleted a “friend”
and I wrote the blazing blog found here…

the blog – in my mind
was directed at the some 700+
friends of friends
that I have on FB

I naturally assumed
that my personal friends
would understand my response
because they love me
right?

I’d also felt hurt by the response
from the wife of one of the friends
I’d had the discussion with
thinking that as one of my closest friends
I would be able to tell her that I’d felt hurt
so I sent her an email
asking for understanding of what she’d said
and why

I went to work
I was busy
but got a chance
to have cursory looks
at FB
a couple of times over the morning
nothing significant

so you’ll imagine my shock & surprise & hurt
when I got home at the end of the day
to find that the closest friend
had blocked me completely

and the friend whom I’d felt
I’d had a breakthrough with
had deleted me
then I found out that they’d not only deleted me
but that they’d deleted another female friend
that had been part of that impassioned convo
on Tues night…

knee jerk reaction again
I sent off an email suggesting they felt guilty
if they felt the blog post
was about them

both of them told me in no uncertain terms
that they “knew it was”

since then I’ve said repeatedly
that it’s not
but I can’t force them to believe me

one of the friends
in a response to my guilt email
suggested a couple of things
1. that I stop blogging
2. that I should have known they’d figure it was about them and that I should have told them right outta the gate that it wasn’t
3. that their deleting me had nothing to do with the convo on Tuesday but was more about my blog post
4. and that my threatening them was the cause of them dropping me

so I asked
if you were mad at me
why did you delete/block her?

a week’s gone by
the friend that originally blocked me
has unblocked me but is still not FB friends with me
there has been no communication
he likely feels that the ball is in my court
but what do you say to “I don’t want to be your friend?”

the friend I’d thought I’d had a breakthrough with
has now blocked me

I’ve heard nothing from the wives of either of them
save their posts on their own FB
which in my own knee jerk manner
leads me to believe that I’m on their hit lists too

my friend who got blocked because of me
has been hurt by this
through no fault of her own
I’ve apologized through the teeth
but in the end
can not change what’s happened

I’m no longer hurt
I’m no longer sad
I feel bad that there was a misunderstanding of this caliber
and that my 3rd friend got caught in the cross fire
but
I'm resigned....

I’m just kinda resolved…
to not worry about it
cos I can’t effect change on them
obviously they consider me a pariah
and can only conclude that
they would rather talk to others (or each other)about me
than talk to me
to attempt to resolve the issue

I know why I wrote the post
that they were offended by
I feel like had they truly been my friends
they would not have reacted
in a knee jerk manner
and deleted me
they’d have asked
like I asked the wife of one of them
and when I told them what was up
(and seriously I know you guys are talking
so what I sent to one is common knowledge now)

I’m sorry they took it the wrong way
but I ain’t gonna beg
they’ve made their knee-jerk decisions
albeit on erroneous information
and I am being vilified
by them as a result

I’m reminded of a quote the VOD’s mom used to utter
“don’t stir the hornet’s nest
if ya don’t wanna get stung”

I guess I inadvertently
stirred the hornet’s nest
and I can’t go back and un-stir it.
although this blog post may stir it more
I'm not stopping the bloggin
and telling my truth

and at this stage
I have really begun to wonder
if they weren’t just looking for an excuse.