Once again...puzzle me this...

the VOD got out of the hospital last night
the bother had to go to Orlando on business
but he booked his ticket on points

because he was a points traveller...
he got bumped offa his flight
and ended up spending the night in the
Vancouver airport
so he got no sleep

today the fadder picks up the VOD
and drives her to the bother's house
they arrive at 7PM
the bother's new partner
panics at 10PM
about how nobody's told her
what kind of meds the VOD is on

so she phones the bother in Orlando
and wakes him up
(he usually goes to bed
around 8PM here anyhoo)

the bother in turn
phones me
and wakes me up...
to ask me what kind of meds
the VOD is on

wouldn't it have just been easier
to knock on the VOD's
bedroom door
and ask if she had all her meds
or if there is anything
she can do for her?

so I tell him
then I hang up and call her
and I tell her
and then I end up sitting at this
frickin computer
instead of sleeping

and...
the VOD sleeps through
the whole fucking episode!

yup...puzzle me this
(a couple of years ago
there was a joke going around
entitled "Obituary for the late C. (Common) Sense"

that shit describes my family to a T!

Obituary for the late Mr. Common Sense
_______________________________
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition...

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Attn Story Readers....

the story....
"Large Robert and the Canadian Baby"
will return mid August

I'm sorry to say
that with everything
that's been going on
in my life over the last
couple o weeks...

I simply
can't write it right now

but I promise I will not
leave ya'll hanging.....

please come back after the 20th
by that time I should
be back from my big holidays
and be refreshed
and renewed

People's Republic of China

another harrowing day at the hospital
the VOD has been in there since Tuesday
however she is really very much better

I had to be there at 8 AM to meet up
with the on call Dr that's been caring for her

I got down on my knees and begged
and now the Dr has accepted the VOD
as a patient
will wonders never cease?

today they tried her on nitro
it caused a major headache
it also caused all her bruises
to swell up like golf balls

so I'm looking at her thumb
and it looks like someone glued
an angry purple golfball to it

then I am brushing her hair and discover
another angry purple golf ball
on the crown of her head....

so I says to her..."how long's this been here"
she says "since Friday night"
I says "what happened Friday night?"
she says "I fell and hit my head on the coffee table"

jayzuz!
no wonder her wits have been scrambled!

they'll be doing an angiogram on her early this week
and then she should be "good to go"
just in time to go to the bother's house
so I can go on holidays....

I left there around 7:30PM
and I decided I needed supper
so I stopped at a local pub
and was having a wee arguement
with myself
over the cost of a steak
vs
going home and cooking one
as tired as I am

anyway...I'm sitting in the pub
minding my own business
and reading a book
and my phone rings
I look at the number
and it's a BC number
but one I've never seen before
so I almost don't answer it....
then I think to myself
that maybe it's someone from the hospital
so I anwer and this crackling voice says

"here, in the People's Republic of China
it is already July 28th...so....
Happy Birthday!"

it's the blister from Beijing!
she says - "have the steak dammit!
she also hasn't tried the dim sum yet
but city food is good and cheap.
Outside the city there is a real chance
of finding some sort of claw in your soup
so God Bless Ritz crackers.
It is tomorrow here
so I am trying to find out 649 numbers for you.
My assignment during these Olympics
is Opening/Closing ceremonies
and Track and Field.

Heat=stifling
Pollution=suffocating
People=great hosts

Did the Great Wall yesterday
then the Great Walmart for some beer.
Having trouble finding the communism
under all the Coca-Cola signs
but I'm sure it's here."

how cool is that?

careening...

outta control

the VOD is in the hospital
it don't look especially good

I've now found out
that she likely quit eating
before I left on holidays

while she's much better
than she was when I took her in on Monday
she's not herself
and may never be again

and getting her to eat
is a fight
a friend once told me
that's called
passive suicide

my bother came for the day yesterday
but had to go home
I don't know if
or when he can come back
he's got some big event
he's hosting this weekend

my blister is in Beijing for the Olympics
so she's phoning it in
literally

I have to make a decision
before too long about my holidays
cos I don't wanna leave if she'll be alone
and it's not looking like she'll go to the
bother's house
without a fight

I don't know if I'm up for a fight just now

and in the middle of all this
my Pickle needs a throw out bearing done
so it's ready to go on holidays
maybe the God's are telling me something....?

do you suppose I'm ever gonna have a time
in my life
when I don't feel
like it's
careening
outta
control?

Lookin in

did ya ever notice how
sometimes in your life
you seem to be on the outside
looking in?

that's how this weekend was for me

so much of it
was spent in quiet reflection
whilst sitting in a field
amoungst some 1900 revellers

it was a very odd
and disjointed
weekend for me

I'm used to being in the thick
I've pulled myself away
apparently the walls are back
and I'm not sure that I like it...
it's like 10 years of personal work
has gone down the drain
I don't like feeling insecure again
or tentative with people
but I just don't know what to expect next

I know where I stand tho...
so
I guess it'll get better
or not
we'll see....

anyway....

I'm home
tired
but home

I came careening home
a day early
due to a series/flurry of phone calls
and text messages
from the blister and bother

seems they're finally worried about the VOD

have I ever mentioned that the bother
lives on the same damn Island
as the VOD and I do?

so puzzle me this?
why was it necessary for me to blast
500 plus odd kms
interrupting my holidays
to get home
and "see to" the VOD
when he lives
200 kms away

and the cousin that started the panic
lives in the same damn city

seems that the cuz called the VOD
and she sounded "weak and frail"
so she called the bother
who texted the blister
which caused all 3 of them to call me
in a damn panic

uhhhm hello?
where the fuck have ya'll been
for the last 5 years?
did ya think I was makin this shit up?

so I get home
at 8pm
and the VOD is in bed
she prolly weighs 90 lbs
and hasn't eaten since I left
on Thursday
and all the food I bought her
before I left
is in the fridge...
some of it now has to be thrown out...

I think
she's been drinking instead
but the cuz, the bother and the blister
think she may have had a stroke

she and I had a little talk
and I told her she's going
to the Dr's today
even if I have to drag her
kickin and screamin

I think I still have a "Power of Attorney" doc
but I gotta check
cos I'm sure things
ain't gonna be pretty from here on in!

I got a couple of very nice
"early" b'day gifts
Bee got me a beautiful hard cover copy of
"Good Faeries, Bad Faeries" by Brian Froud
and Arlene got me one of the three tattoo's
that I've been waiting to get
till I have a little "extra cash"

this is it about 10 min after it was finished
it'll look much better once it's
cleaned up and healed
I'll find someone with a camera
and get a better pic then....

kinda nice tho
both gifts speak to my spirit
and that kinda recognition
is a blessing

Holly Daze

WyzWmn has left the building!

will be back for return to work on the 23rd
at which time I promise to sit down and write a chapter er two!

Poetry by Mark Nepo

"Breaking Surface"

Let no one keep you from your journey,
no rabbi or priest, no mother
who wants you to dig for treasures
she misplaced, no father
who won't let one life be enough,
no lover who measures their worth
by what you might give up,
no voice that tells you in the night
it can't be done.

Let nothing dissuade you
from seeing what you see
or feeling the winds that make you
want to dance alone
or go where no one
has yet to go.

You are the only explorer.
Your heart, the unreadable compass.
Your soul, the shore of a promise
too great to be ignored

Lost
Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushes beside you
are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
and you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or branch does is lost on you,
you are surely lost. Stand still, The forest knows
where you are. You must let it find you.

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese,
harsh and exciting-over
and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mark Nepo~

What a freakin week....

and it's only Tuesday!

first off
on my way to work yesterday
my trike broke down

I stood on the side of the road
and watched people drive by me
(some that I even knew....)
for an hour
while waitin for a tow truck

got towed to a shop
called a good friend
before 8AM
and he came
and picked me up
and drove me to work
and then picked me up and
drove me back to the garage
to pick up my trike at the end of the day

not exactly a Herculean feat
but the 3 locations are diametrically
opposite to each other in a triangle
through this city
and gas is currently $152.9 a litre

so the trike cost me $95.17 to repair
not huge
but I'm on a budget ok?

there goes my plans
to purchase a new sleeping bag
for the summer holidays....

I had the day off today
and went to all of my Dr's
the good news
is that I'm in good shape
for a fat broad...

there'll be no need for the surgery
blood pressure is down
chest is still a little "reedy"

the bad news...
eyes are substantially worse
over last year
due to the type of meds
being pumped through me
for the crohn's

so I need new glasses
the only frames I can find
that fit my needs
(get this...I have special needs
in the spectacle department)
are $298.00

the progressive prescription
is another $300.00

I'll get $200.00 back from my
med plan

apparently we'll take that outta petty cash?

then I got renewals on
all 6 of my meds

so I took em to the pharmacy
the pharmacy is current
"in discussion"
with their Internet service provider

as a result
I can't use my debit card or my credit card
I have to go get cash
and then due to some cluster fuck
with my medical plan
the meds cost me exactly $648.84

I'll get all but $128.97
back from the med plan
but it takes time....

and then....
for the holidays....

I have 2 tents
a really really big one
and a really really small one

the small one won't hold a mattress
let alone me
but fits on my trike

the big one takes upwards
of half a dozen people
to erect
and prolly sleeps 10
but I can't haul it on my trike
it's like hauling the titanic

I was going to borrow a tent from a friend
for my holiday
only she's just informed me today
that it's not usable

so I was looking at spending $70.00
and pickin up a dome tent
at "Crappy Tire"
but now with the glasses
and the scripts

not so much

oh ya
did I mention that my trike insurance
is up for renewal next week?

ya
no
if the rest of the week is like this
the holiday is off
I'll be the big bald boob
sittin on the living room floor
suckin my thumb
and playin
with my belly button lint!

Chapter 75

the sound: AC/DC – Thunderstruck

Robert made it through the 48 hour critical period. A couple of times it was touch and go and a lot of the family spent their time praying – but in the end I became convinced it was more that his Mama had forbidden him to die than God having had anything to do with it.

Mrs. K’s backbone was apparently well renowned and it never ceased to amaze me how Dr’s, Nurses, specialists, therapists – everyone jumped when that woman barked.

It also surprised me as over time the lines between the “good” and the “bad” members of the family blurred to become one large boisterous yet grieving group of people. People with history…good, bad or indifferent…no one was unaffected by David’s loss and Robert’s recovery.

Arranging David’s funeral turned out to be quite the endeavor. There was the formal viewing, the wake for family and dignitaries, the pig roast for family, friends and bros, the cremation, the suggested interment and then the family ritual of disposing of the ashes.

All the way through, Rosie spent most of her time at the hospital with her mother, so I had little or no assistance…but for Grey’s constant assurance that “money was no object.”

After being told so for about the dozenth time I took the “go big or go home” attitude and highballed everything. No carnations for this man’s viewing and service…only roses, peonies (Mrs K’s favorite) and rosemary because I couldn’t get my hands on the unofficial emblem of Ireland – the shamrock.

I was in my glory though…there’s nothing like giving orders to make you feel like you are in control of your life. (little did I know)

I scheduled everything for a week hence and was relieved when four days after the actual shooting it was announced that Robert and Mrs. K would “see” me at the hospital.

I got Boomer (the escape artist who’d ever so conveniently disappeared during the ruckus) to take me in to town and went in for a visit.

For some reason, I was uncomfortable with the idea of seeing Robert in a hospital bed…but maybe it was seeing Robert at all.

I walked into the room to find Robert laying with his eyes closed and his mother sitting in the chair beside him, her ever present crochet hook dancing through the cotton.

Without preamble, Mrs. K announced “I’ve been thinking”.

“You have?” I squeaked

“You girl, you will marry my Roibhilín and keep him out of trouble.” Came the reply.

“ah…(gulp) marry?” I squeaked again, and started to shake my head.

“ah…Mrs K?” I began and looked over at Robert…the only sign that he was awake was the little smile tuggin at the corner of his mouth.

“yes girl?”

“I…uhm….that is….ah….I can’t marry Robert Mrs. K….I don’t know him!”

Mrs. K turned and gave me the most withering glance to date…”I didnae know his fadder when we wed…that didnae stop us from hae’ing all our bairns.” She replied. “It took years…but we came to love each other.”

“Well…uhmmm that’s quite nice Mrs. K. – but nothing I do or say will keep Robert out of trouble and truly all I really want is to go home!”

“Home is it? Home? Why this is your home now child.” Admonished Mrs. K

“not likely” I muttered under my breath – immediately beginning to make plans to get my ass outta dodge.

this too shall pass....

Every time I think I’ve got it all figured out
Yet another blow comes

What am I struggling for?
Why am I even bothering?

Actions speak so much louder than words

I’m done

I’ve suffered a lot of loss in my lifetime
This too shall pass

Big Brother and the Holding Company

Hometown Glory - Adele

I've been walking in the same way as I did
Missing out the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet"
Is there anything I can do for you dear?
Is there anyone I can call?"
"No and thank you, please Madam.
I ain't lost, just wandering"

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united
Shows that we ain't gonna take it
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

Happy Birthday Canada!