I'd be ok if I could just quit thinkin...?

I read a friend's blog today
(Ripper's Realm)
he speaks of how little decisions made
can have huge and lasting effects
on your life
for ever

I quite often think about
how we never know
when one little
inconsequential thing
we can flippantly say can
affect/effect/impact
some one's life forever

case in point
a friend of mine
for close to 35 years
had a hard childhood
raised in a household
of boy
no gentleness
no kindness
no frills

about 30 years ago
the VOD told her
she had nice skin
and as recently
as this week
she mentioned it to me

it had an
everlasting affect...

transversely
all my life
friends and family told me
that I had the most beautiful
hair
the darkest eyes
the prettiest face

I was involved in a car accident
and my face was badly scared
I got sick and lost most of my hair
and I got older and developed an eye disease

so for a long time
I was insecure
and didn't say what I meant
I didn't walk that walk
cos I felt like I was somehow
wrong

when people stopped
telling me that I was beautiful
I believed that meant
that I was less than

I've since learned
that my insecurities
don't make me
I make them....

does this idea make me
refuse to state
my beliefs
or purpose?

no

but it makes me
understand
that to every thing
we say and do
there is a consequence
and sometimes
we have to pay the piper
is all