nightmares

woke up this morning
crying again

yet another
nightmare about
my sister

after all these years
of telling myself
it's her loss

in my little heart
the one I don't share
I know the fear of
having a sister
that won't or can't
be my sister

in my little heart
I ask myself time and again
how is it...
that all these other people love me
and my own flesh and blood sister
can't or won't?

and then
when morning comes
it lessens....
it doesn't go away
but at least I stop crying

~~~~~

and speaking of fear
if you are reading this
and you used to be on my email lists
you need to resend me your email addy
cos with the loss of my harddrive
I lost all of you
and it's made me fearful of never
being in contact with you again