Ordo Equester Venificus

as a story teller I spend a lot of time
reading other people's work
to sorta keep up
sometimes someone surprises me
several months ago I joined a group of riding pagans
one of them is also a storyteller
and he's begun something new....
I read this earlier today and have been unable to get it out of my head since...so I'm placing it here so I never loose sight of it...

Ordo Equester Venificus
by Ghostryder

Since the dawn of ancient times, when man finally tamed the wild horse, there have always been those who's special connection between man and beast and the earth they live on lay them apart from the rest of humanity.

These ancient riders represent the elements of the universe: earth, air, fire, water and spirit.

Today their stallions have changed. Though made of iron and steal, their steeds now breath flame. Their call, Ordo Equester Venificus, the Order of the Ancient Riders.

Reality Shows

puzzle me

I don't get the attraction
of racing home of an evening
to be on time for to watch
Survivor
or Big Brother
or So You Think You Can Dance...

I get so embarrassed for people
that I often can't watch...
I have to change the channel

and I find myself thinking
"have you no pride...
that you'd subject your meager or non
talent to these masses for ridicule?...."

I get that they want so very badly
to have something
in their lives
that they'd embarrass themselves
on international tv
for a chance at a brief moment of fame
but jeeez eh?

however...
every once in a while
there's the wee surprise eh?

Kelly Clarkson

Paul Potts

Susan Boyle

Kellie Pickler


tonight I found myself
caught up
in America's got Talent
and there are 2 singers
that just blew me away....
and made me realize
how much this one opportunity
could make the lives
of these individuals

Kevin Skinner


Lawrence Beaman


what a difference a reality show
could make in these 2 very talented men's lives

funny eh?

it's odd to me

that people keep asking
if it bothers me
that they are all getting together
(those that I've cut from my life
for being hypocritical, or unethical
or lying)
and calling me names
or talking about me
when I'm not around to defend myself?

does it bother me
that I'm not invited to the local parties anymore
that I'm not considered "wanted"
by those that consider themselves
the "in" crowd

my answer can only be
while I miss the fun times
with some of those people
I don't miss the bs at all
and I sure don't feel a need to defend myself

frankly I don't think that
I'm that important in their lives
any more...

anymore
than they are in mine really

life goes on
I have fun elsewhere

cos life really does go on...
funny eh?

there's a sucker born

every minute...

and I've never claimed to not be one

on Friday...whilst driving home from work
I spot these signs
"Blueberries" with an arrow
so I follow them
and go on this merry drive
over hill and dale
through a farmer's field
till I get to the place
that's selling blueberries
I'm not supposed to eat blueberries
cos my personal version of Crohn's
doesn't like anything raw and/healthy
but
I've recently had a real taste for blueberries
however they are hyper expensive
ever since that Dr Oz guy
went on Oprah and said
that they are the absolutely best
food one can eat
due to the antioxidant nature
of the berries

I mean 4.99 for a half cup of berries
at the grocers
kinda sux eh?

so anyway...
I finally end up
at this farm
where they have a whole assembly line
of pickers and a store
and I bought 2 pints of blueberries

(this is where the sucker part
comes in)
I paid $25.00
for 2 pints

they looked so good
large and fat and luscious and juicy
big dark blue berries...

so I bought em
and said "damn the torpedo's" to myself

I got them home
excited to feast
washed em up
and once they were drained
popped a handful
into my mouth

bliss?
heaven?
not so much

sour!

not a little sour
the kind of sour
that puckers up the whole bottom half
of your face
and squints yer eyes up
the kind of sour that
you feel at the back of your throat
long after you've swallowed

and - here I sit
3 days later
game fully trying to eat em
cos
after all
I paid $25.00 for the damn things

yup
a sucker born every minute....

Gratitude....

Ya know?

I’m not exactly yer run of the mill gratitudinous kinda gal…

I’m not into the daily affirmations. I don’t have to keep telling myself how wonderful I am. I’m not on a never ending quest to find myself.

Periodically however events unfold that put me in the position to feel real gratitude…

Something sent me out the door this evening in search of ice cream…of the Dairy Queen persuasion. As I stepped out the door I was pelted by several fat wet drops and I stopped for a moment to “wtf?”

It’s been blistering hot here on this Island and once I realized it was actually raining as opposed to someone peeing out a window I couldn’t help but smile. Mother Nature has a way of taking care of herself doesn’t she? I was thinking about how one good evening of rain will bring the lawns back in our neighbourhood…that’s all it takes in the rainforest…one good night of rain. Not to mention the break in the heat being well deserved.

I live on a peninsula on an Island in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of British Columbia Canada…while the Island is a good size…the peninsula can be walked from east to west without too much trouble. On the West side of the peninsula, and across a bay is a small mountain (small for this province anyway...this is after all “Rockies” country) and as a result I rarely get to see sunsets. Although due to some rather inauspicious culling of the trees around my apartment building the sun does go super nova in my living room from about 1 pm daily till it sets behind the mountain (the Malahat) and as a result I’ve purchased black out drapery liners…so I’m never quite sure what’s going on outside at any given time.

As I get in my car I see a bolt of lightning and catch myself war hooping as I climb into the car.

See? I’m from Thunder Bay…on the North West side of Lake Superior….I’m used to thunder and lightning storms a plenty and we lived almost at the top of a big hill so that when a big storm rolled in we seemed to get it twice once coming and once going. And while storms over the ocean are often violent and breathtaking they can be equally so yet differently so on Superior. Here in the rainforest while it rains for seemingly months…not so much with the thunder and lightning. Really…like maybe 5 times in 10 years have I seen or heard a good thunder storm.
So I drive down the peninsula heading towards DQ along the east side of the peninsula and along the water. I’m smiling at the mist rising off of the pavement and the rain pelting down and bouncing back up bringing the temperature down to a decent level and once more thinking that our Lady Gaia has a grand way of showing us who’s boss.

From where I live, our local DQ is located in the town of Sidney by the Sea some 15 to 20 minutes from me and they have a long boardwalk, break wall and beach (when the tide is out) facing the ocean with just enough room to park and watch. While we are Canadian this particular break wall faces Washington State and there are always lots of sailboats moored across the way and out of the way of the Annacortes Ferry path.

I pull up and park just as the sun breaks below the deep dark low hanging clouds behind me on the other side of the peninsula.
The sunset is phenomenal…it is every colour of red, orange, yellow and pink that you can imagine….and many colours in between. And because it is scurrying under the layer of huge flat black clouds it shines brightly directly across the peninsula, blasting over me and across the ocean in front of me like some kind of spot light, to the far side of the bay lighting up the mist rising off of the water and the sailboats moored a mile er so off the beach drenching it all in the many shades of red and gold and orange and pink it encompasses.

I look up to spot not one but two huge and distinct rainbows reflected against the same black clouds….one above the other…one longer and one shorter but both encompassing the whole vista as if to say “here! Here lies the treasure! along this shore…this shore…this one!”
Just as the thought passes through my mind I see a huge bolt of fork lightning spear through the dense black and grey clouds from south to north and I quickly roll down my window and count “one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, four one thousand, five one thousand…” and am relieved of the task counting by the following crack of a huge clap of thunder.













Now that’s what I’m talking about!

I sit there for possibly 30 minutes, watching the ocean slap against the break wall, the sunset on the sailboats, the rainbows getting darker and brighter and 4 more huge, sky encompassing bolts of lightning followed closely by my count and the booming claps of thunder.
I look up to find I am not alone.

Where once I was the only person in a car watching this fantastic light show…I find that I am now one of probably 20 cars lined up facing the boardwalk and the water and the sunset, and the lightening, and the rainbows and the sailboats.…awestruck and dumbfounded by its magnificent splendor.

Rather sheepishly, one by one I hear cars turn over and people begin to pull away but still I stay to watch…till the sun goes behind the Malahat and there is no more light on the sailboats across the way.

I eventually start my car and pull out to drive home, ice cream forgotten.

I can’t help but think that not only has Mother Nature put on a truly spectacular show this evening…but that she allowed it to happen at a time when my poor old broken peepers were working right and I got to see it…

That, you see...is where the gratitude comes in.

frustrated and living in irony

I'm soo very fucking tired
of fuckered eyeballs

do ya feel me?

got home from holidays on Tues
trip was a gas...
laughed and laughed and laughed some more

woke up Wed with full on eyeball flare
my left this time...(2 weeks ago it was the right)
spent Wed and Thurs in bed
can't read
can't watch tv
can't see the puter
can't sleep
can't stand light of any kind
bored outta my flamin skull
good thing I can touch type eh?

I got home to 167 emails
and 221 blog posts to read
(in spite of the stuff I read
while at Arlene's)
and I'm sadly sitting here
watching the numbers climb
cos I can't focus enough
to read em
the fine print just don't work for me
right now

my bother came down from his place up Island
on Thurs
to pick up the VOD and take her along with
for a while
he forced me to go to ER again...

ER Dr I saw Thurs and Fri
said the more times I have to come to ER
the more chance that the specialist
will understand how this is affecting my life
he also said that if I go 2 days
with no respite to go to ER
to make sure there's not
something in my eye...
cos I basically can't tell the difference

I asked if I could have
some of that eyeball freezing drug
for home
he said no
fucker LoL

they're substantially better today
but still not right

and I'm sooo frustrated
hence all the swearing
cos I ain't in a good mood
I'm trying
but it's not pretty over here

I want to ride
I want to be able to spend my spare time
writing
I want to have a freakin life
is that too much to ask?
apparently.

*sigh*

and then there's the ole
asshole attractor
I got up this morn
and went into town
to do some running around
before it got too much hotter
got to the mall I wanted
it's already 22 degrees C
and there
sitting in the sun
is a car
with the windows all closed up
and 2 small dogs in it

did I mention I ain't in a good mood?

I tried the doors and they were locked
so I called the SPCA
the truck comes
and just as they are about to smash a window
cos the dogs are obviously in distress
out from the mall comes this shrieking fishwife
calling me names and shit

did I mention I ain't in a good mood?

I started out by quietly asking her if she'd
been dropped on her head as a child
cos if not...I'd be more than happy
to drop her on her head as an adult

things progressed slightly down hill from there
but I figure it's flat out impossible
to out cuss me
when I've got a full cranky on
and a good head of steam
she eventually shut up

I did feel a little better on my way home.

still
there has to be something the specialist can do
about the peepers
sometime soon

so...the big question is
does anyone else find it hugely ironic
that I spent 25 years of my life
working for the Foundation Fighting Blindness Canada
in the form of a volunteer, then Coordinator, then Provincial Chair
of the Ride for Sight?

just asking....
*sigh*

WyzWmn has left the building....

should be back around the 22nd
all things being equal and the river don't rise

I miss

my old life

not the one that I had before I moved to the Island
where every day was a test of personal fortitude
agility and mindfulness

but the one I'd built since I arrived here

I miss the anticipation of spending time
with a large group of friends
I miss the closeness with those people
I miss the laughs
I miss the friendships

does that mean I've changed my mind
about the path I've inadvertently chosen
or had thrust upon me by unthinking
or hurtful people?

absolutely
positively
not

I can not allow people
to trample all over my personal boundaries
or to treat me in a manner
that is ill thought
immoral
un-integral
or
just plain
mean
or rude

wrong is still wrong.

and just for clarity sake
I don't miss them cos I see them
having more fun than I am just now

what it means is simply
that I do miss
the people
that I've found myself to be in the
unlikely position of having to call on their actions

unlike a "used to be"
friend of mine
if someone hurts me
and I make a decision
to cut them from my life
the decision does not come lightly
and the agonizing over said decision
does not stop once the decision is made
they do not become "dead to me"

I continue to mull over
analyze and agonize
forever....
it's the nature of my beast...

yet still...
I miss my old life.

It's tendinitis season at work

and I'm full on determined
to not cripple myself
building our calendar this year
cos in the past 3 years
at this time of year
I surely have

remember 2 years ago
when I suggested
that I should likely not
go on holidays
cos my arm was so bad?
and 2 of my friends (Laurie and Bee)
immediately announced that
I should come
and they'd help

little did they know
that they'd spend the next 2 weeks
pulling up my underoos
and pulling down my pink flannel lingeree!

so - I'm all ready for tendinitis season
wrist brace √
arm brace √
anti inflamitories √
freezer pack √
serious lack of sleep from worrying about the amount I've gotta do √
buckets of coffee √

see you on the other side!
*I hope*

sometimes we all need a gentle nudge...

to remind us:

"One night along the east coast somewhere, there was an incredible storm…

The storm washed up thousands of starfish onto the beach, where they lay in the morning sun. A young boy was out on the beach. He was furiously flinging starfish into the sea.

A man strolling along saw the boy bustling…

He walked up to the boy and asked him why he was doing it… He told the boy that there must be ten thousand starfish… He said that the boy could do this all day and never make a difference.

The boy looked at the man a little puzzled… He reached down and picked up a starfish and flung it out to sea with all his might…

Then he looked up at the man and said, "I just made a difference in the life of THAT starfish!"

found here....via here

It's been a crazy 48 hrs

I started feeling pain in my right eye Tuesday night and by Wed had a migraine, all day Wed I spent in bed thinkin that this was an episode of this eye disease I was diagnosed with in Dec-08. I didn't sleep much Wed night and by Thursday at 7AM thought I'd pretty much loose my mind if I didn't get some kinda respite - thing of it is...if you have one eye involved..the other is soon to follow...or it sure feels like it....and if your eyes are running, like as may yer nose will too and yer sinuses get pissy on general principles....and then the whole punkin just throbs...oddly enough in time with your blood pressure....a prime example of "the ankle bone's connected to the leg bone" if ya ask me...and one's I'd have soon done without.

I called a friend Thurs morn at o dark thirty - and he didn't hang up on me (thank all the gods) he picked me up and took me to emergency where they froze my eye and had a good look...end result was calling an opthamological specialist to have a look...he said he couldn't really tell what was going on due to the level of infection in the eye...so he put antibiotics in it and patched it...and sent me home...I get to take the patch off tonight and start with antibiotic drops for the rest of the weekend...and go back and see him Mon morn for a real diagnosis

he says it could be just an infected scratch...but it could also be shingles...so we can't be too careful

I asked how a scratch could get so infected so quickly and he said cos yer eye is the perfect place for infection to percolate...(inspires confidence eh?) makes me wanna wear safety glasses to bed! he also said that the medicine I use for the eye disease only aggravated whatever the heck is goin on with the eye...

I slept most of the rest of the day and all last night and feel significantly better today as the sleep has removed the rest of my head from the equation...(no pun intended)

So....I'm voting for it being a scratch...

I'm going on holidays in 2 weeks and I can't work on the Pickle to get it roadworthy by then (and don't suppose my eyes would stand the pressure of riding just now)...so I'm going to a rally with my friends and I'll drive the pickmeup truck fulla supplies....maybe I can ride again in August....who knows?

this I do know...take very good care of yer peepers people...ya can't ride without em...can't even drive for that matter...

edit for update:
…tonight I am cautiously optimistic

I took the patch off and put the antibiotic drops in
I'm still one eye'd most of the time but it feels way way better than it did

right now my biggest problem is getting the glue offa my glasses from the tape they used to hold the patch to my face

don't miss the patch at all..LoL

I also don't feel quite as scared as I did yesterday!
YaY!