I miss

my old life

not the one that I had before I moved to the Island
where every day was a test of personal fortitude
agility and mindfulness

but the one I'd built since I arrived here

I miss the anticipation of spending time
with a large group of friends
I miss the closeness with those people
I miss the laughs
I miss the friendships

does that mean I've changed my mind
about the path I've inadvertently chosen
or had thrust upon me by unthinking
or hurtful people?

absolutely
positively
not

I can not allow people
to trample all over my personal boundaries
or to treat me in a manner
that is ill thought
immoral
un-integral
or
just plain
mean
or rude

wrong is still wrong.

and just for clarity sake
I don't miss them cos I see them
having more fun than I am just now

what it means is simply
that I do miss
the people
that I've found myself to be in the
unlikely position of having to call on their actions

unlike a "used to be"
friend of mine
if someone hurts me
and I make a decision
to cut them from my life
the decision does not come lightly
and the agonizing over said decision
does not stop once the decision is made
they do not become "dead to me"

I continue to mull over
analyze and agonize
forever....
it's the nature of my beast...

yet still...
I miss my old life.