on the sufrace

it all seems fine

but it ain't

at what point does one
throw up their hands in resignation
and just abdicate?

at what point
does the level of disappointment
and disenchantment
supersede
the levels of peace and pleasure

at what point do you just give up?

how many times do you allow people
to intentionally hurt your feelings
before you throw in the towel?

when I see people being manipulated
or lied to
is it my responsibility to tell them
or should I be the coward the rest
of them are
and bide my time
to swoop in
like the avenging hero
and pick up the pieces
when they break like the proverbial
china doll?

it certainly seems safer
cowardly
but safer....

my lack of enthusiasm for
this whole community
has got me to a point
where I'd just rather
switch than fight

sure
I miss riding
but I don't miss the bullshit
I don't miss the promises of help
that don't come through

sure
it hurts to not be invited anymore
by this group of people
that I thought that were
cherished as friends
but in the long run
they've shown me their true colors
(or lack thereof)

they've shown me
that's it's more important
to play
than to be honest
than to be truthful
than to be moral

it's more important
to look cool
and intentionally hurt someone
you professed to care about

people that have the ability to justify
any action
by blaming others

so
a husband has an affair
he finally gets around to telling his wife
but he doesn't move out
he doesn't man up and accept his due
he manipulates her into believing
that it's her fault
cos she doesn't understand him
or cos she got fat
or cos she got sick

yup
that's moral

and what about the gutter snipe
that he was sleeping with?
what happens to her?
why she gets to move on and
ruin another life....
cos people are too
passive aggressive
to call a slut a slut

or

a person lies to the face of a friend
and then denies it categorically
and the person who is hurt
gets ostracized
by not one
not two
even 3 or 4 of them

yup
that's fair

a person
who has done absolutely nothing to you
and has been central to your friendships
for a couple of years
doesn't get invited to anything
all summer

and you call them a drama queen

and when you do see them
your all fake and phony
and hug them
and tell them how much you've missed them

liars.

cept maybe they're lyin
more to themselves
than anyone else....
cos that's how you justify
your lack of kindness

I've never asked anyone
to live by my specific rules
I've just asked for people I know
to live by basic social mores
and to try to be kind....

apparently
that's too much for them

or they will be silent
because there's safety in silence
they don't run the risk
of being ostracized too

someone smart
said something profound to me today
she said "we became family
but we didn't know them"
I think she's right
we loved them because we projected
what we needed to see in them
but at the end of the day
they are all morally bankrupt
and who needs that shit
in their lives?

so....

I'll just sit back
from here on in
and watch the karma

I'll sit and
watch them all get their dues

that won't make me happy either

cos on the surface

it all seems fine

but it ain't