Sunday, October 04, 2009

If I'm big enough for big girl panties...

why can't they use the big cuff?

so yesterday was interesting... *ahem*

I woke up way way too early with grumbling in my lower extremities which I assumed was a Crohn's Disease flare cos that's how I roll...and I knew I'd been bad...eating grapes and raw almonds

apparently not

by 9AM I was at the walk in clinic cos I had me some pain in my kidneys
bad pain
the kind that makes you twitch every time it hits and you can't breath thru it...

having just spent a week on antibiotics I thought the UT stuff was done

apparently not

so the Dr - who is 10 days older n dirt, advises he's requesting an emergency ultra sound and gives me a prescription for another antibiotic....he says he thinks it's cancer or a kidney stone

OMFG!!!

I vote kidney stone if I have a choice

I go home crying all the way- which is great for asthma or bronchitis I might add...
and to try to compose myself enough to go to the pharmacy

I'm at the pharmacy by 10:30 whereby the pharmacist spends half an hour trying to reach said Dr to find out wtf he'd prescribed....he even faxed it to a few other pharmacists to see if it was in their database

not so much

so I'm supposed to be at home waiting for a call from the hospital, but by this time I'm pacing and crying from the pain in my back...the pharmacist says "you need to go to emerg...and if you can't drive I'll drive you"

ever the bullheaded woman I never admit to being, I get in my car and wail all the way to emerg

I'm at emergency by about 11:30

they have a new triage process and the nurse I see in triage is one of those pious biddies that's sure she knows more n I do ( and some cases she likely does) however, she starts out by arguing with me about the med's I'm already on....one of the Crohn's meds I've been on for close to 20 years - I know it's sulfa based , she says I'm wrong...eventually she looks it up and low and behold...I'm right

moving right along....

she tries to take my blood pressure and I'm telling her I'm a big girl I need the big cuff
and she's telling me she knows what she's doing
all the while that automatic bp machine
is getting tighter
and tighter...on my freaking elbow
and I'm wracked with pain in my back
and she's telling me to sit still
she tries 7 times and finally uses the big cuff

finally they get me in to a stretcher in emerg
I've been telling them for about 20 min that I feel nauseous but no one hears...there's none of those little cardboard puky trays or tissue to be found...

the Dr comes in to see me and I very graciously puke a lovely vile white foam all over the front of him and all over myself

an inauspicious start

he advises first thing I need is an x-ray and some morphine
I won't care about the x-ray if they give me morphine

they send in this very lovely, very gentle, very timid 9 yr old nurse...who misses veins in the back of both of my hands and both of my arms trying to get an IV in and eventually has to call the "lab team" to come do it...

I keep telling her to use a butterfly but what could I possibly know anyway...that's why I'm not a nurse....I guess butterflies are good for drawing but not putting in an IV...
I'm not likely a very nice person when I'm hurting like that.










finally I get the shot...but they don't cocktail it (cocktail being the morphine along with gravol for nausea and valium to relax you)

the Dr comes in again this time I puke more on me than on him but he gets the message and orders gravol, valium and a gown for me

over the course of the next 30-50 min the pain slowly dissipates and I stop with the jerking and shuddering and snapping when the pain hits

I'm almost asleep and they come take me for x-rays
I get back to my cubicle and they've moved a few young people into the same area I'm in

the young girl in the bed next to me has 2 friends with her
she's got a septic elbow and has to come in to have the shunt cleaned and antibiotics pumped thru her....she and her friends sing and dance and holler....they're very loud and I'm very impatient

another group of young people come in with a fellow that thinks his wrist is broken
more singing and dancing and throwing things and laughing

who knew being in the hospital could be so much fun?

then they start to talk about puss and sex and how gross both puss and sex are

did I mention I'm puky?

I lost my temper and hollered in my biggest and best bartender voice "shut the fuck up" and got dead silence

my wee nurse came in a couple of minutes later and I apologized for losing my temper
she just smiled and said "we're not allowed to tell them" I got the impression she was that I glad I did

next comes the ultra sound and a ct

both of which I could have cared less about cos I'm in the arms of Morpheus
for the first time in 6 weeks I can't even feel the damn pulled Achilles tendon in my left ankle

by 5:30 the Dr comes back he's changed his clothes

he says it's a kidney stone - to go home, ride it out and if it hasn't passed in 3 days go to my GP
3 DAYS???

(at least I think that's what he said)

the pain was starting to come back so he gave me an Rx for pain and another cocktail shot... not as big as the last one but enough to get me home and said I could go but I couldn't drive

I called my friends Kim and Dave and they came to rescue me (I am such a waif)
we tried to go to a pharmacy out here but they were all closed at 6
by 7PM we were in town at a large local grocery store, Kim driving, me holding my little cardboard puke box to get my Rx

Kim apparently found me entertaining...cos now that I was out of bed and motoring I was having the full morphine ride...so she had to hold on to me to keep me from wandering off - little wee Kim and big ole me...musta been an interesting sight

and I had a little trouble with my inside voice escaping and may have embarrassed her when talking about a young woman that was dressed like a clown...er like a paint box puked on her LoL ..........and the lights....holy crap they were all streamers!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Kim brought me home and I stopped at the VOD's to get some ice cubes for some ginger ale...the VOD bagged some for me and I put them in my grocery bag and when I walked in the door I put the bag on the counter and went and sat on the couch

when I came too 25 min later I had a bag of ice water to deal with, I poured it in a glass to drink and promptly spilled the glass all over the counter...do they make adult sippy cups?

I'd not eaten all day...so I decided that making some macaroni would be safest of the things available to me...but I'd forgotten that I'd started to make chicken soup stock in the morning before this all happened and it had boiled over.

so I put the water on the burner, sit in the living room and the fire alarm goes off.
It's pretty loud when you are straight or sober...it's really really loud when you ain't.

It never occurred to me to turn the burner off so I stood under the alarm (that's hard wired to the wall) and yelled at it to shut up for a while and then I flapped a towel at it for a while and then it occurred to me to shut off the damn burner

but in the interim I hit my finger on the wall while flapping the towel and possibly broke it...but I don't care cos I'm on drugs *smile*

time for pills and bed...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope at this point the worst has passed, but I have to admit I chuckled reading through all of this. You sense of humour shines through despite the trials you have been put through of late. We all keep saying its going to get better, and it will eventually. You just need to know when it does, it is going to come back at you in droves. You need to see and experience the good life for a change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arlenes Assinine Ravings said...

My friend i have to tell ya talking to you last night was a gilggle in your morphine induced stupor

Anonymous said...

hehehe... sounds like a familiar story, although I didn't puke... the morphine did good on the pain, but I had no other "druggy" effects from it, I guess my body was too busy using it for pain relief to get much more than a mild stone from it. Now, Demerol... wheeeee, there's a fun ride!! Trying to talk to my mom on the hospital phone while hopped up on Demerol 'cause we needed to borrow $$ to go to Vancouver for ultrasonic lithotripsy was an experience my mom still ribs me over years later!

Hope it passes soon, kidney stones are something I wouldn't wish on anyone!

Unknown said...

Darling,
I hope that this has all "passed" for you and that you are feeling better. Take care, and bless Kimmie & Dave for coming to get you. I can just picture poor Kimmie trying to keep you under control! LOL

Louie said...

Like herding cats eh Kimmy?