did ya ever?

did ya ever wonder
about what it is
that makes you loveable?

and transversely
unloveable?

one would think that a single woman
of my age and stature
would

funnily enough I don't often

but there are times....

tonight I watched the movie
"I walk the line"
the Johnny Cash - June Carter love story

I don't normally go "in" for the love stories
and I've never been a real Carter and Cash fan

I was suprised to find out that I knew the words
to most of the songs in the sound track

I was surprised to see what a junkie he was
and how he travelled the road to hell and back

I guess I must have known about it
but I don't cognizantly remember it
and in the end - I was surprised at the level
of "love story" it was

Johnny fell in love with June
likely before they even met
and spent his whole life prior to actually marrying her
in love and desperate to be with her

in spite of both of their previous marriages
and his addiction
when they married
they stayed committed to each other

they were married for 35 years
June Carter died in May of 2003
and Johnny died 4 mths later
almost like he didn't care to live without her

it made me wonder what it was
that made them love each other
thru thick and thin
all their lives

was it chemistry?
was it genetic?
was it esoteric?
was it spiritual?
was it mystical?
compatability?
camaraderie?
adulation?
tenderness?
hot monkey sex?

what?
what key ingredient was it
that made it "necessary" to each of them
to make them love each other?

what key ingredient was it
that made it "necessary" for them
to be with each other?

what was it that they had about them
that I apparenlty don't have?

sometimes I wonder
is all