bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?

one of the medications
that I am currently on
causes violent muscle cramps
in places
that it is well documented
that I don't have
anything that remotely resembles
a muscle

I get these cramps
in my shin
and my calf
at the same time
that are so bad
I can't do anything but cry

I get them in my sides
and in my hands
and I get them in my back
under my shoulder blade

they are bad enough
that I can't walk them out
and I can't stand up
and the only thing
that sometimes relaxes them
or relieves them
is deep massage

have I mentioned
that I live alone?

so I bought me
one o them
heavy duty
deep vibrating
massage machines
that looks suspiciously
like ET.







it's plugged into the wall socket
beside my bed
and it works well
and it's loud

I often think
that the elderly woman
that lives
in the apartment above me
must think I'm down here
going
WAAAAHHHOOOOO!
in the middle of the night

but I ain't
really?

does this face
look like it would
lie to you?

often this cramping
happens in the middle of the night
and as I'm also medicated
to sleep
the irony of the whole process
of laying on the vibrating ET
on my bed
while it massages the cramp
out from under my shoulder blade
is not lost on me.

Last night I didn't have any cramps
but I did wake a couple of times
over the course of the night
thinking/dreaming
that there was a woodpecker
in my bedroom

bzzzzzzzzz?
bzzzzzzzzz?
bzzzzzzzzz?

each time
I fuzzily fell back
to sleep
wondering
if I was dreaming
the sound

this morning
when the the alarm went off
I discovered
that what had happened
was that the switch
had been hit
to the "on" position
on good ole ET
as I climbed into bed
and there it lay
quietly vibrating away
on my bedroom floor
all night long...

the vibrations caused ET
to ever so slowly
move across the bedroom floor
to rest against my bedside table
and the sound of ET vibrating
against the bedside table
was the woodpecker
I kept hearing in my sleep

*sigh*
only in my bedroom
could something like this happen

I swear.