You're gonna love me

since the early 80's
I've cried
every
damn
time
I've
seen
this

I
am
just
a
hopeless
romantic....

simply
hopeless.....

the
incomparable
Ms Jennifer Halliday....

I think

I'm just not meant to ride this year

so this evening
I finally
for the first time this season
thought I'd go out and fire up the Pickle
and see what I need to do

I mean
I'm feeling better
and I really should clean my house
cos it kinda looks like the crazy cat lady lives here
but without the cats

still...if I feel good enough to clean
I'd like to kick over the old Pickle

I go out to the yard
and peel the old trike cover off
it's seen better days
and I'll likely have to replace it soon

I dust off the seat
and scare off a couple of moths

she needs her pipes painted again
and the trim that tried to knock Georgie
offa his bike on the Kelowna connector
last summer
glued back on
and likely having both tail lights working
and a speedo wouldn't hurt...
but still

I climb on....

I plug in the key
depress the clutch
and turn

nothing

battery is dead
but it's a car battery
and I can boost it
cos I have cables
well...actually I have 2 sets of cables

off on a cable hunt I go
much fussing
and muttering ensues
and I come to find out
that when the VOD gave the VODmobile
to the nefew
she gave him - not one
but 2 sets of cables.

*hand/forehead*
then
*head/handlebars*

I put the cover back on
and come back into the house.

if I still feel good after work tomorrow
I'll stop and pick up some cables
and see if I can boost it

who knows
I might get a ride around the parking lot
for Canada Day!

little epiphanies

seems I've been doing it again

seems that I've been allowing
my passion
my pleasure
my faith
and my perspective

to come from without
instead of from within

all my life I've known
that my greatest struggles come
when I stop listening
to my own voice
and start listening
to others

not arrogance,
conviction.

not audacity,
faith

not ego
belief

not conceit,
passion

the richness
and vastness
of my caring
and faith
in humanity
in the big picture
gets caught up
in the minutiae
of the inevitable
negativity and strife
that comes
from without

I keep getting
these great
huge examples

like spending 4 or 5 years
doing what others think/say I should
for the good of the all
and my position
in the pack

my disappointment
at the hasty red neck
judgments
of a few I'd come to meet
that profess to have
a commonality
with me...

my feelings of loss
around the concept
of career
and greater good

once again
I am faced with
a waking
of self
and an understanding
that no one
or nothing
is responsible
for my hopes
or dreams
my faith
or beliefs

and I can go about my day
with heart
and understanding

and a decidedly
christian thought
for a non christian:

"forgive them, for they know not what they do"

go figure.

just when

just when
I'm loosing faith
in humanity

just when I think
all is lost
and desolation
surrounds me

someone or something
shows up
to bring tears to my eyes
and hope to my heart

today it came in the form
of this link

shocked and sadened

I must confess to a little
shock and sadness
at the vehemence
of responses

to the death
of
Michael Jackson

yes at the end
he was odd
but he was made odd
by those of us
that read that shit
by those of us that fed the machine
by those of us that reveled in that hype
as perpetrated by the relentless media

I have to ask
was there ever definitive proof
that he was a pedophile?

I don't ever remember there being a conviction
I don't remember his having done time...
how can he be a pedophile
and come back to America?

was it ever proven that
it wasn't just people trying
to make easy money?

have a boo here if ya think I'm just pissin in the wind

yes he slept with boys in his bed
but that does not a pedophile make
it's weird -
(I hear the term "whack job"
thrown about)
but not outside
of the realm of human possibility

having been a victim of abuse
on several levels
in my lifetime
I still find it hard to beleive
that if he was really a pedophile
someone wouldn't have shot him dead

so

for me
it was kinda like there was
two different people
the one that wrote amazing songs
and taught a generation new dance moves

and one that got squirrelly-ier as time went on
and seemed less and less inclined to reality
I myself spent years waiting for the news flash
that he's permanently lost the end of his nose

but does this make him worthy of your hatred?
shake your head in amazement at his weirdness
absolutely
but hatred?

and in the meantime
I have to say
once again

that hate is like acid
it ruins the container

I'm not usually naive
it's just that I try so hard not to judge
cos to judge you
is to allow you to judge me....

besides...
I seem to be
all out of hate just now

Meet Daisy...

once upon a time
I served a Canadian MC'ing event
called the Ride for Sight

it was an annual fundraiser for
the Foundation Fighting Blindness
Canada
I was the BC Provincial Chairperson

in that capacity
as a fundraiser for the event
we held (over the 4 years I was chair)
several charity BBQ's
in conjunction with M & M Meats

the first year we held the BBQ's
I had assistance from the local SCRC chapter
of which I later joined, became an officer, served
and left

at the first BBQ held here in Victoria
I had occassion to meet an elderly woman
named Daisy

Daisy had very bad arthritis
and came out to tell me
that she'd not sat on an MC in some
70 years

"why" I asked

"well" she said
"once upon a time
a fellow took me for a ride
on one of them there
Harley Davidsons"

she paused and winked

"I thought he was quite a
nice fellow but my dad
would have torn a strip offa me
if he'd have found out"

"so why didn't you go again"
I asked

"well he took me miles and miles
out into the country on this old dirt road
and then he just stopped
and he turned around and told me
I'd have to kiss him if I wanted a ride home"

"oh my" I said, "what did you do Daisy"

"why I slapped him and walked nigh
onto 6 miles home" came her reply

I asked if she wanted to sit on the Pickle
and she allowed as she'd like to try
so with a little wrangling her
grand daughter and I
got her in the driver's seat"

meet Daisy....










(click on the picture to make it big enough to see Daisy's face - delighted!)

thanks Gator for sending me these pix
it's great to wander down memory lane...

Life's too short

with all the going's on
over the past year

and the incredibly cruddy
response my body has had
to stress

I've come to understand
that life is really too short
to carry on with grudges.

I've had not one but a couple
of very hard health smacks
in the last year
one of which I had a genetic
predisposition to but is
exacerbated by stress

and the most recent
the result of a childhood virus
that lays dormant in your body
until your stress levels get to the point
where your body says
"I don't think so"
and all hell breaks loose

which of course
exacerbates all the other illness'
that compromise my immunity

I honestly thought
that I'd got to the point
where I was dealing with the losses
in my life
but
apparently I was only fooling myself

I've been shocked and saddened
by some people that I know
over the last year or so

and I've been reminded
again and again
that my priorities
are not necessarily
those of others

I'm not a christian
so I don't have the same kind of
relationship with forgiveness
that christians do

but what I do have
is a faith in humanity
to eventually come round
to seeing
the good
and striving for it.

I truly miss
some of the relationships
I've lost over the past year
and that makes me sad too

I now wonder if it's that I've lost friends
or if they ever were to begin with?
when I see pictures of them now
and I am struck dumb
with sadness
and understand....
what a waste.

This I've also come to understand....

life's too short
and I need to find a way
to get back to living
as opposed to this
shell I've become

I said this to a friend yesterday
"having the courage
to stand by your convictions
doesn't make you popular...
it simply makes you
able to face yourself in the mirror."

have I reached a crossroads?
and discovered that it's time
to make some life changing decisions?

I wish....

I just wish I didn't
that's all.

Jevette Steele

A desert road from vegas to nowhere,
some place better than where you've been.
A coffee machine that needs some fixing
in a little café just around the bend.

I am calling you.
Can't you hear me?
I am calling you.

A hot dry wind blows right through me.
The baby's crying and I can't sleep,
but we both know a change is coming,
coming closer sweet release.

I am calling you.
I know you hear me.
I am calling you.
Ohhhh.

I am calling you.
I know you hear me.
I am calling you.

A desert road from vegas to nowhere,
some place better than where you've been.
A coffee machine that needs some fixing
in a little café just around the bend.

A hot dry wind blows right through me.
The baby's crying and I can't sleep
and I can feel a change is coming,
coming closer sweet release.

I am calling you.
Can't you hear me?
I am calling you.
Ohhhhhhhh
Uhhhhh.....

the exile

is over

I've had my say
for the most part
in venues I needed to

I don't know if anything
was accomplished
I somehow doubt

anything has really changed
except me

but I said much of what I needed to
whether or not anyone agreed
probably doesn't really matter anymore

there was a kind of heat surrounding
my need to address things
and it's gone now

it's been replaced
by a deep deep
sadness

a great feeling of loss
for what once was

for the first time in a
long long time
I don't have
a feeling of anticipation
about anything

I just feel
dreary
slightly ill
and
sad.

self imposed exiles

make my brain hurt

I'm fair to bursting

~I'm just sayin~

Purple Rain

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted yo one time see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain Purple rain
Purple rain Purple rain
Purple rain Purple rain

I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby I could never steal you from another
It's such a shame our friendship had to end

Purple rain Purple rain
Purple rain Purple rain
Purple rain Purple rain

I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain

Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing
It's time we all reach out for something new
That means you to
You say you want a leader
But you can't seem to make up your mind
I think you better close it
And let me guide you to the purple rain

Purple rain Purple rain
Purple rain Purple rain

If you know what I'm singing about up here
C'mon raise your hand

Purple rain Purple rain

I only want to see you, only want you see you
In the purple rain

well crap!

turns out
it's not
an infected spider bite
its
shingles

I have a whole blog of a different color coming
but it'll have to wait till I'm feelin
less like someone pulled
my forehead
and shoulder
out thru my arse....

you should see the size
of the freakin pills they gave me!

Pain..

hot
searing
eyewatering

hurt
rendering
blistering
pain

waking in agony
hot and sweaty
can't move
tears
pain in waves

across the neck
over the shoulder
down the arm

what is this?

broken heart?

heart attack?

panic disorder?
no

very badly infected spider bite

*sigh*

PDQ

If ya think

I'm too quiet
it's not cos I'm outta
stuff to say...

(HA! fat chance that!)

it's cos I'm at the cousin's house
babysitting their dawg
whilst they are in Vegas
gallivanting and cavorting

the saving grace is not the dawg
it's the ever so cool (temp wize)
basement!

it's also cos
the puter I have access to
is a very old laptop
that belongs to a 10 yr old
and crikey!
it takes for freakin ever
to load up a page

and then there's the dawg
he's reported to be 7
but he's a rescue
and I think he's more like
12 or 13

he doesn't move so well
but he loves to go on "break aways"
and usually only does so when the phone rings
or nature calls
sneaky devil

but the really weird thing
about this ancient looking lab
is that he calls "mama"
to wake you up in the middle of the night
if he wants/needs to go out

it's down right freaky!

Last night he woke me
3 times between 11 and 6
each time I woke to this weird noise
from his throat that sounds like
"mama"

he wants to go out
mostly to have a wizz
but often whilst you are standing
in the door way
pyjama clad
half asleep
and snoozily waiting
he meanders off over "here" or "there"
to just have a little doggie
look see

but the ever so cool
basement
almost makes up for it!!

Here's a laugh

Part of my horrorscope today reads:

"It could also be a great time to let someone know how you really feel about them today."..oh oh! watch out!....

I'm apparently gonna be outspoken for a change!

LoL