WyzWmn - isms vs Family- isms

I hear from a lot of my friends
and many of my faithful readers
that I am a bit of a "card"
that I can "turn a phrase"

well
methinks the time has come
to break the seal
and tell you all
that lots of it
(sometimes I worry that all of it...)
ain't even my own material....

I've been rather surprised to find out
that all families are not like mine
that the witty repartee
preformed 24/7
by each and every member
of the family that I belong to
doesn't happen in most families

case in point
a flurry of emails
by myself and my family today
discussing family "isms"

one of the aunts was trying to remember
something that her very Irish
lady mother would say
so she asked if any of us remembered
(her nickname is Mal - short for Marigold....
what kinda family names a girl Marigold?)
and we were off to the races....

the aunt:
"Also, I've had a phrase that I think Mother used to say running through my head, but my own memory won't come up with the ending:
"A slip of the tongue is no . . . ."

cousin Garth:
"A slip of the tongue is no fault of the mind and he who laughs is very unkind."

cousin Pish (short for Patricia):
I would love to hear your list of expressions that Grandma used to use.
Here is one that I was trying to remember recently. She said it in her more dis inhibited state, after she had had her stroke, but it was kind of hilarious. She was talking about passing gas, and she said something like, "A bad neighbour is better than a foul tenant." Or something?? Anyone remember better?

the fadder:
If one was to "break wind" she would say " As Granny used to say -- An empty house is better than a bad tenant -- "
Is that the one ? I love the one Garth came up with " A slip of the tongue etc. " Don't ever remember hearing Mom use it but its great.

from Aunt Mal:
Another of Mother's sayings, from Granny Skippon, I think:
"Wouldn't that just jar your cherries!"

from cousin Pam:
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

from cousin Jamie: (Digger being the fadder)
"Gramma said.. a slip of the tongue is no mistake of the brain...
I use several old family expressions... taught to me by my dear uncles' john and digger... some not suitable for mixed company...
flat as piss on a platter
drier than a popcorn fart "

from WyzWmn:
"I too used quotes from my father and Uncle John and a whole bunch o them from Do that came from my grandpa Leo
"if yer ever looking for a helping hand...look on the end of your arm"
and one of my personal favs
"yer a long time in the tomb...so zoom zoom zoom"
people tell me all the time that I'm such a funny person...but really it's just me repeating a combination of GrammoB's Irish humour, with Grandpa Leo's Saskatchewan farmer humour - liberally dispersed with east coast isms from Digger and Do's stint in Moncton (that ended up with me all those years ago!)
I'm but a poor carbon copy
*sigh*"

from the blister:
"My favourite Uncle John-ism, one that I use at work occasionally to describe a difficult task..."It's like trying to shove a dew worm up a wild cat's ass."

from WyzWmn:
"oh...unca Johnny used to say (when he was looking at something someone owned that he coveted) "if I had that boat and he had a feather up his ass - we'd both be tickled!" or "it's like using confetti to wipe an elephants ass"

from cousin Pish:
Or, for the hungover, "Your eyes look like two piss holes in a snowbank."

from cousin Judy on the t'other coast:
the answer to the question - Did you miss me? The answer is "Like a toot ake!"

~~~~
Recently I told you all
of a trip I took
with many of my lady friends
to Salt Spring Island
and that some of these friends (Bee Wise!!!)
wallpapered my hotel room
with a bunch of my sayings
apparently they'd been collecting them for a month

so
I walked into my hotel room that night
and as I open the door my eyes see
a lime green signthat says
"My name is Karen...how do you like me so far?"
and here's the rest o them:

"Holy Hannibal Lector!"
"talk amongst yerselves"
"bottom line"
"but I digress...."
"put on yer big girl panties"
"not so much"
"get yer own material!"
"Hellooooo? have we met?"
"just for shits and giggles"
"jayzuz h christ on a crutch"
"alrighty then....buh bye"
"I'm all farklempt"
"suck it up princess"
"going forward..."
"cry me a river"
"can I just say...?"
"at the end of the day..."
"do I look like yer mother?"
"got a piano tied to yer ass?"
"this just in....film at 11"
"in the vernacular....shut yer fuckin pie hole"
"he's got a grin on his face like a ripple on a piss pot"
"com'ere...I got something I want you to kiss!"
"and you are?"
"kiss me where I pee!"
"he's like a bear with a cut butt"
"he's crazy as a shit house rat"
"up and down like the latch on the outhouse door"
"like a fart in a mitt"

and none of these even touch on the one liners
we've stolen from movies and tv shows
"breakfast beer Martha?" - Deer Hunter
" I think we're in a tight spot" O Brother Where Art Thou
"You brought the fucking Pomeranian bowling?" the Big Lebowski
"'Bonanza' is not an accurate depiction of the west. " - Tin Man

but the long and the short of it is
I'm from a looong line of smart mouths
I really don't think I made any of this up
I stole it all
I'm sure....

from my crazy family