I've joined a stitch n bitch

...cos see?

I have this ongoing obsession with "big brother and big sister" afghans...mostly cos I can make em quickly (depending on the size of the big brother or sister) and cos they mean a lot to me

I was an only child till I was 7...when my brother showed up I discovered that being a big sister meant that my parents didn't have as much time for me as they had and that I was no longer the single most important "apple" of anyone's eye...(what? it was the very early 60's and parents didn't know better than LoL)

as an adult I remembered that feeling of loss when I watched the older children of my friends and decided that what I wanted to do was make the big brother or sister of my friends never have to go through that...so I crochet a blanket for each of my friends that are expecting and on the day that they bring home the newborn I give the big brother or sister their blanket along with a card/note that reads:

"Being the big brother/sister is hard work. Mom's and Dad's always seem busy with the baby and sometimes that doesn't feel good. So when you don't feel good about being the big brother/sister...you just wrap this blanket around you and think of it as a hug from all the other big brothers and sisters out there in the whole wide world....and know that you are not alone….that other people have felt this way too.”

Yup…that’s me…closet sap….but I’ve made them rippled, striped and solid, granny squares, Bermuda squares, bubbles stiches, single, double and treble stitched…I’ve made them pink and blue and yellow and green and black and probably every other color you can think of…and I’ve always found a kid to give them to somewhere….

Recently my 18 yr old, 6 ft 6in nephew came to live next door to me while attending Uvic…he brought his big brother blanket with him.

of tatttoos and responsibility

I've recently seen a spate of bar code tattoos
that contain a person's social
or dates that are specifically important
to them for whatever reason

and in some ways
I think that they are pretty cool...
very "Orwellian" if ya get my drift...
















but every time I see one
I can't help but wonder
what the survivors
of Germanic death camps think?
or their descendants?
how do Jewish people in general
see them?














and that makes me think of responsibility...

do we as human beings
not as specific personalities
but as humanity in general
not need to show respect
for what has gone on before us?










or is it just that time moves on?
and we don't need to feel responsible for
past atrocities decades later?











are we as human beings
so lost and desperate
to be "individuals"
that we shirk responsibility
to the past?

or am I over thinking again?

You tell me.....

Ashes and Snow

this speaks for itself....

Ashes and Snow

I am humbled.

Ya jist cain't cure stoopid!

I think my building manager is fighting a loosing battle...

it's too bad...cos he's not a bad guy, but the property manager's mandate is to keep the building full and as a result...some of the people now living in this building are of less than stellar intelligence....

case in point...

there's been ongoing security issues ...cos they can't seem to get the people that live on the first floor to understand that going to work in the morning via your patio door and leaving it unlocked all day does not make a secure building

so to alleviate some of the stress the single and elderly women feel, the property manager had them install a chain link fence with a big ole gate that locks and is keyed to the master door key

but apparently closing the gate is too hard for some...no less than a week ago, the manager's wife spent an hour stuffing letters into everyone's mailbox about keeping the gate closed so that everyone in the building is safe...

tonight I come home to find a truck parked in the walkway....the gate is propped open...as is the back door....it's about 5:45PM

hmmmmmmm that's secure?

but there's a brand new still in the wrapping from the store sofa in the back of the truck so I assume that once they get the sofa moved in all will be well
I go into my apartment...change my clothes, check my email, get my library books together, get my coat and shoes back on and head back out the door to go to the library....

door and gate are still open

I get in my car...drive around the block to the library...go in, drop off my books, peruse the fast reads, pick out some books and stand in line to check them out...

I go outside, get back in my car, drive around the block to my building

and low and behold the gate is still open

only now there is an old sofa on the lawn and the new sofa is wedged in the open back door with these 2 nuclear physicists trying to figure out how they are going to get the damn sofa up the stairs if they can't get it through the door...

I suggest the double wide front door and the elevator and they both look at me like I've grown horns..

"what" says I "I've only lived in the building for 10 years....it's not like I'd know how everybody else does it!"

and so they continue to struggle....

finally they get the sofa outta the door so I can get into the back hallway, and I suggest "maybe you should close the gate? you know? sorta for the security?"

"Naw"...they both say

Yup...ya just cain't cure stupid....

pardon me while I go check the locks on my doors and windows will ya?

A Country Boy Can Survive

I used to live with a fellow
who's name was Cavanagh

he was good looking
he was smart
he was aboriginal
he was a rigger welder
he was from a family of 9 kids
he was raised hard
he was strong as a bull
often as dumb as one too
and
he was a dysfunctional illiterate

but he was smart enough to "get around" it
he could write his name
and I read all the important stuff to him
he was also a mathematical genius
without a calculator...
which explains the kind of work he did

in those days my self esteem was less than stellar
and I found myself
living in a 2 room cabin
in the woods
at the end of a long dirt road
with no heat (save a wood stove)
no electricity
no running water
in NW ON
in the dead of winter
just us
and the horses
and the chickens
and the dogs
at -40 degrees

cos I thought I was in loooooooooove

oy...the stories I have!

but the reason I decided to tell you this today
is that I've run across a video
that brought my almost 10 years
on again off again
with this man
right back like it was yesterday...

with each time he head this song
Cavanagh he would sing along
and frankly
for all his prowess
and aptitude elsewhere
the man couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!

over the 10 er so years
that Cavanagh and I lived together
this song was his theme song
no question
he abused other tunes
but this was consistently the one
that he felt a kinship to...

and over that same 10 years
I set about removing every instance
of that song I could find
every single chance I got

probably cos it smacked too closely of my life
with Cavanagh

I threw tapes out truck windows
I threw albums in the wood stove
I hid them in my knitting basket
and I dropped them into the outhouse
over and over

yet somehow he always found
another copy somewhere....

over the 10 years
I could surmise that he'd purchased 100 copies
of this song....
virtually single handedly keeping this man's
career alive
I guess.....



and here's the link if you can watch an embedded video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4s0nzsU1Wg

and the words
for those of you that want to follow along
LoL

~A Country Boy Can Survive - Hank Williams Jr.~

The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged
If you go down town

I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I can plow a field all day long
I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn
We make our own whiskey and our own smoke too
Ain’t too many things these ole boys can’t do
We grow good ole tomatoes and homemade wine
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Because you can’t starve us out
And you cant makes us run
Cause one-of- ‘em old boys raisin ole shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We came from the West Virginia coalmines
And the Rocky Mountains and the and the western skies
And we can skin a buck; we can run a trot-line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I had a good friend in New York City
He never called me by my name, just hillbilly
My grandpa taught me how to live off the land
And his taught him to be a businessman
He used to send me pictures of the Broadway nights
And I’d send him some homemade wine

But he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife
For 43 dollars my friend lost his life
Id love to spit some beechnut in that dudes eyes
And shoot him with my old 45
Cause a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Cause you can’t starve us out and you can’t make us run
Cause one-of- ‘em old boys raisin ole shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We’re from North California and south Alabam
And little towns all around this land
And we can skin a buck; we can run a trot-line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I kill myself sometimes!

I sent the following email to my building manager after I wrote the last note:

"so...can our next discussion for the building be a plan to ban surround sound

holy crap man...if the lady in 207 hasn't complained yet...

ya might wanna check and see if she's dead!"

hehehe

the surround sound has stopped!!

yehhhawww!

I hate surround sound....

not mine
that which belongs to others...

namely the dood next door

I live in an apartment and the walls are paper thin
so every time he turns his TV on
I get blown offa the couch in my living room

hell...
last night dood watched a movie
that included several scenes of rushing water
I damn near wet my pants!

and really?
surround sound that belongs to the neighbours sux
cos ya can hear all the back ground
but none of the dialogue
if I've gotta listen to his TV
I might just as well be able to hear enough
to enjoy it!

maybe I should play a little
Manson's Beautiful People
or
Ozzy's Black Sabbath
something like that
at about warp factor 8 maybe?

annnnnnnnnnnd......don't get me started talking about his inane taste in games either!
pretty bad when you have to listen to your own tv
wearing headphones...

yup
I hate surround sound...
specially everyone else's

Holy Crap

am I pissed?

somebody dinged my car again
at work
in the parking lot

I am beyond pissed!

Once Upon A Time....

a long time ago
I loved to cook
I made pots of sauces
I made pails of soup
and I made tons of food
that I gave away to friends,
the homeless...
I just liked to cook.

I loved it soooo much
that I got this big brainwave
and I decided
that I'd do it for a living

when you take something you love to do
and put yourself in the position to have to do it...
it can sometimes take the fun outta it

cooking became about
makin it to my shift on time
it became about the politics of the Master Chef
it became about who's turn it was to fire who

so I quit cooking
and started working in a bake shop
and the same thing happened
so I quit cooking all together
didn't even rarely cook at home....













today I'm brewing vats of food
cos my nephew has moved
to the city to go to UVic
and the act of puttin
a little of this
and a little of that
into a big pot
over a slow burner
has made me happy

and that's something that I haven't been able to say
for a while.

this just tickled my fancy

is it possible

that I've finally lost my mind?

is it possible that my biological clock is confused?

I feel like I've been pulled through a knot hole backwards I'm tired irritable and I find myself falling asleep on the couch in the evenings and waking up at least an hour earlier in the morning...and I am beyond motivationally challenged

a friend suggests that this is the aftermath of all the "sturm und drang" over the summer but I keep saying that it can't be cos of 3 things:

the storm and stress hasn't abated a bit

and I still ain't seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel

and...my life has been all about sturm und drang for 53 years...what would possess me to think that's gonna change?

so...

where's that damn light?

I keep hearin about it - but I ain't seeing no damn light…and frankly...my batteries are wearing thin

the benefit to having a lifetime of sturm and drang is that one sort of acclimates to trauma…that's not necessarily a good thing health wise, but it surely keeps you from snappin yer twinky when the proverbial hits the fan....

and now on to the "ongoing"

I'm just about done with people acting like I've asked them to take sides just like I'm just about done with making excuses for people cos they are stressed, or tired, or got outta bed on the wrong side....or didn't get no fucking blow job in this millennia...

if I had a nickel for every time I've had to say...”my beef with them has nothing to do with hers or his or hers” or what fucking ever!

If I was the same kinda “friend” that they are I'd be emailing every fuckin person I know to explicitly inform them that they are emotional vampires in that they suck the life outta everyone around them to manipulate others to their chosen path…they can not see their own wrongdoings and do not hesitate to call into play your perceived lack of integrity or faithfulness should you chose to disagree with them ever….

But instead, I attempt to rise above…apparently I'm failing a little today

that's likely related to my disappointment over someone hitting my car...and the snowball that caused in my freakin head the last couple of nights

then there’s this other friend that keeps talking to me like I'm an errant child doesn't sit well....

some times I really wish I could put my Crohn's on a back burner and have just one night of drunken debauchery to blow off some steam

but no

I gotta be the god damn adult alla fucking time – well that’s wearing thin too…

Ya wanna know why?

Cos yesterday I had to spend an hour and some on the phone with my fadder(who is currently in away visiting family) he called cos someone sent him a letter at home…

So now this post becomes open letter to anonymous…

Dear Anonymous

To the pond scum sucking prig that anonymously sent my fadder a letter snail mail advising him of his need to "take great care of Wyz" because she is in a "dark, dirty and dangerous place right now and obviously in need of serious psychological help as she is busy trying to destroy the stellar reputations of the very people who have only shown her incredible and selfless love and support over the last few years"

Hear me well when I say that you had best just hope and pray that I never confirm the origin of said letter. Cos I'm done takin the high road and I'm done being fair.

If I find out who did this...If I confirm who caused my family yet more angst.....It is officially on...I will fuck you up...and you can bank on that shit!

I no longer care of the repercussions to me.