is it possible

that I've finally lost my mind?

is it possible that my biological clock is confused?

I feel like I've been pulled through a knot hole backwards I'm tired irritable and I find myself falling asleep on the couch in the evenings and waking up at least an hour earlier in the morning...and I am beyond motivationally challenged

a friend suggests that this is the aftermath of all the "sturm und drang" over the summer but I keep saying that it can't be cos of 3 things:

the storm and stress hasn't abated a bit

and I still ain't seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel

and...my life has been all about sturm und drang for 53 years...what would possess me to think that's gonna change?

so...

where's that damn light?

I keep hearin about it - but I ain't seeing no damn light…and frankly...my batteries are wearing thin

the benefit to having a lifetime of sturm and drang is that one sort of acclimates to trauma…that's not necessarily a good thing health wise, but it surely keeps you from snappin yer twinky when the proverbial hits the fan....

and now on to the "ongoing"

I'm just about done with people acting like I've asked them to take sides just like I'm just about done with making excuses for people cos they are stressed, or tired, or got outta bed on the wrong side....or didn't get no fucking blow job in this millennia...

if I had a nickel for every time I've had to say...”my beef with them has nothing to do with hers or his or hers” or what fucking ever!

If I was the same kinda “friend” that they are I'd be emailing every fuckin person I know to explicitly inform them that they are emotional vampires in that they suck the life outta everyone around them to manipulate others to their chosen path…they can not see their own wrongdoings and do not hesitate to call into play your perceived lack of integrity or faithfulness should you chose to disagree with them ever….

But instead, I attempt to rise above…apparently I'm failing a little today

that's likely related to my disappointment over someone hitting my car...and the snowball that caused in my freakin head the last couple of nights

then there’s this other friend that keeps talking to me like I'm an errant child doesn't sit well....

some times I really wish I could put my Crohn's on a back burner and have just one night of drunken debauchery to blow off some steam

but no

I gotta be the god damn adult alla fucking time – well that’s wearing thin too…

Ya wanna know why?

Cos yesterday I had to spend an hour and some on the phone with my fadder(who is currently in away visiting family) he called cos someone sent him a letter at home…

So now this post becomes open letter to anonymous…

Dear Anonymous

To the pond scum sucking prig that anonymously sent my fadder a letter snail mail advising him of his need to "take great care of Wyz" because she is in a "dark, dirty and dangerous place right now and obviously in need of serious psychological help as she is busy trying to destroy the stellar reputations of the very people who have only shown her incredible and selfless love and support over the last few years"

Hear me well when I say that you had best just hope and pray that I never confirm the origin of said letter. Cos I'm done takin the high road and I'm done being fair.

If I find out who did this...If I confirm who caused my family yet more angst.....It is officially on...I will fuck you up...and you can bank on that shit!

I no longer care of the repercussions to me.