Shame

you are lying

I know it
and you know it

you can kick and scream
and call foul to anyone who'll listen
till the cows come home
that won't make you less of a liar

you lied to me about her on Sat night
and you lied to me about him as well
(guess you didn't know that he already
knew where the new house was did you?)

you lied on Sat night

and when you got called on it...
you lied on the board as well

just like you lied to me about what
someone else said a month ago

you won't/don't talk to me about it
but you certainly don't have a problem
telling anyone else that will listen
(and they call me a drama queen - pfffft!)

I am ashamed of you.

You've hurt people
that always knew what you were up to
and while they didn't necessarily understand
they didn't walk away...

see...the thing is
that I think you've been lying for so long
you don't even realize you are doing it anymore

more's the pity

I don't want to think that of you
but you sure are making it hard.

I think it started because you were so desperate to belong
and now you don't know how to live in truth

I believe in my heart of hearts that you are so desperate to find love
you are going about it all the wrong way

I have to believe that
cos to believe otherwise
would mean that you continue to do this shit
from a place of maliciousness
and that would mean you are truly bad at your core
I don't want to believe that...

I think you are so scared of living without love
you can't be yourself
even to yourself...

course...I'm a trouble maker
and a drama queen...right?

here's the truth
I'm not blaming
I know this
cos I used to be you

and because of that one fact
I also know that you can't fix the past
but you can strive for a better future.

but you have to want to...

there's the key
YOU have to want to.

I really hope that someday you find peace