Trust and Betrayal

Trust is a strange animal
apparently it's something
I do too much

and in spite of the lessons
I've learned over the years
it always comes a big shock to me
when I am betrayed
by someone I trusted
...loved even

I remember years and years ago
when I was living in a small town
in NW On and I knew a lady who'd been
married for many years
who told me that
appparently (according to her)
once her children were born
her husband could no longer
complete the sexual act with her

eventually
close to like 20 years later
they split up
and she went on something
I affectionately
called a "fuck-a-thon"
over the next year or so
there were no holds barred
and she slept with everyone
she could...

she and I were friends
and I worked early in the morning
so she'd call me
as I was preparing
for work
and we'd laugh
and joke about her actions
of the night before

every morning I'd laugh
and say to her
"so...who's husband
did you sleep with last night?"

and she'd laugh and tell me who...

at the time I was dating a fellow
it wasn't a big romance
we were, I thought....
just good friends
and really because
all of our everyday friends
were couples
we kinda got thrown together
and ended up spending
a fair amount of time together

so one morning the
husband killer phones
and I laughingly ask her
who's husband
she'd slept with
the night before

her prompt reply was "yours"

I was absolutely shocked!
flabbergasted!
gob-smacked!

not that he'd sleep with her
when we were dating
but that she'd do that to me
because after all
...we were friends

my feelings were hurt
and I felt betrayed
I cried as I hung up the phone
and called my mother
to vent like a crazy person

the VOD's response
was simple....
she quietly asked me:

"what exactly would make you think
that you are so special
that she wouldn't do it to you?"

I paused
and began giving it some serious thought

"what exactly do you think makes
you so very special that she would
by pass you when she's done it to
everyone else you know?"

which she followed by saying

"weren't you actually
condoning her behaviour
by accepting it?
enjoying it?

...doesn't that make you
guilty by association?

or part of the problem?"

Well....there it was.

I betcha that one could
make yer brain hurt
eh?

it was a hard lesson learned
but I learned it
and I've stood by those ethics since

so the fact that I've experienced
some pretty serious betrayal
from some very surprising sources
over the last couple of weeks

while hurts me quite a bit
also makes me understand
that people
in general
can't be trusted
with my feelings

I can not change you
I can only change myself
and frankly
you deserve what you'll get in the end

oh.....and...

have a nice day.