the universe

it's out there....

some people attract celebrity
they are known as "stars"

some people attract animals
they have "animal magnetism"

me?
I'm an asshole attractor
I'm an asshole magnet
I can't help it
it's true

case in point some of the more poignant posts
in this very blog
about the caliber of idjits
I run into in my day to day life

remember the drunk guy in the pub
that tried to pick a fight
and pour beer on the VOD on the 4th of July?

last night I went to dinner in the same pub with friends
guess who was sitting at the next table
gunning me off
all the way thru dinner?

the very person whom I had been assured
was barred for life for calling my mother
the "c" word thereby almost getting me
thrown in jail....

I did my best to studiously ignore said duffus
but he was sitting at the table next to us
and facing me
so every time I looked across the table
at the man of the couple I was with
for dinner
I found the putz glaring at me

I rose above
ate my meal
and left the pub

as I was pulling out of the parking spot
I look in the rear view mirror
to spy the prick in question
standing behind the VODmobile

I wait to see what he's doing
he's just standing
with his back to my trunk
smoking a cigarette

to my mind
I have 2 choices
I can wait for him to finish
and then get out of the parking spot
or I can lay on the horn and run him over

me...I wait for about half a smoke
and then I go for plan B

I get outta my car and say
"excuse me....I'm trying to leave"
to which
the man of the hour answers
"fuck you c**t"

I'm gobsmaked for all of about 10 seconds
and then I holler back....
"I don't know what your fucking problem is
but feel free to just stand there...I'll just run you over"

and in my heart of hearts
I knew it to be true

I got in the car and gunned the motor
he moved
and I left

what is it about this face
that attracts such idiocy?

what could I possibly done
in a past life
to cause such shards in the veneer
of my life....
to warrant such continuous proof
that I'm an asshole attractor
I'm the best asshole magnet
in the universe....?